Please bookmark the correct page at http://suzannadanna.net/ Princess of Irony

I deserve a Dorky Parade!

Issue Date: Wednesday, Apr. 09, 2003

After posting that survey yesterday I had a brain fart while driving home. I recalled the name of my 5th grade teacher, Mrs. Reale. I also recalled an instance that is so retarded in its entirety that I deserve a parade in my Dorky Honor.

Mrs. Reale was one of those cool teachers; she really made you want to learn. She praised you for your efforts and made you want to try harder. If you had a problem, she did not single you out in front of the class to make you feel like a moron (like some fat-assed, mean 4th grade teachers did), she spoke to you in quiet and soothing tones and gave you examples to help your brain come to the correct conclusion.

Mrs. Reale was pregnant when we came back from Christmas break in 1982 (good Lord I am old). She did not get to finish up the rest of the year with us and we all missed her so very much. I used to fantasize that Mrs. Reale had a baby girl and because I was so cool (shut up, stop laughing) that she named her baby after me and told everyone when he or she asked where the baby’s name came from, “A precious and gifted child that I have a wonderful teacher/student relationship with at Sope Creek Elementary.”

Oh geeze, I just went the Sope Creek Elementary School website and it actually said “25 Years of Excellence!” Oh man. I feel so old. I looked through all of the teachers and only one looked familiar. The PE teacher. She was hot ya’ll. She looked like she had Cherokee blood. Very dark skin, long black hair, and the biggest brown eyes you have ever seen and she was Brutal. Quite the dominatrix of elementary aged children with her latex bustier and her cat-o-nine tails on Relay Day*. Yelling at us in a sultry German accent and threatening a spanking. Ok. This imagery has gone too far.

*What was that day called? Where everyone was made to run around like Labrador retrievers competing in a Field Trial?


I’ll take Confrontation for $300 Alex.

Today has been quite the mind bend for me. I walked in to the office this morning and hand-boss was smiling. Co-worker “C” was happy as well. This is an odd occurrence. Due to the fact that the pizza place next door has a leak and it has spread under the wall (and is creeping slowly towards my desk). Not to mention that they are basically miserable people.

In the first hour of work Co-worker “C” told me that she wanted to tease me about something, but wouldn’t because I’d cry. First of all, what the fuck? I’d cry? I’d cry!?!!? Um, I don’t make it a big point to cry at the office. Yeah, I confess, I cried the first time Mister sent me flowers. But come ON! That was a gimme. After that I called Co-worker “C” “nosey” because she keeps interrupting my phone calls with “Who is it?” and “What do they want?” Well, Nosey, if they wanted to talk to you, I’d put them through now wouldn’t I? She flipped her shit and flipped me off for calling her Nosey, then got eight ways of confrontational about it.

Ding-Dong, Co-worker “C”, Menopause calling. Sheesh.

Then hand-boss gave me a raise. But did it so I resented the hell out of him for it. Basically said, “Just wanted to let you know that your paycheck this week would be a little heavy… because you got a raise. But I wanted to make sure you know that when I ask for something, I would prefer a hard copy.” Or something like that. He asked me for something last Thursday, I told him where he could find it on the server. Apparently he wanted it printed out. Hey, no problem drill sergeant. I just had a problem with how he delivered the message. But $70 bucks extra a week… cool.

Stop laughing. I never said it was a big raise.

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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

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