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Strippers & the office don’t mix.

Issue Date: Wednesday, Jun. 11, 2003

I got this email from Mister a little while ago:

Next Saturday, June 21st [Big Boss] is turning 50. To mark the occasion, his wife and I are planning a real special treat for him.... :) We want to have his party at [neato place] in [neato town] on [neato road] and [neato street] that night. First, I'm waiting to see if [Big Boss’s wife] can make sure [Big Boss] will be in town that night. Secondly, I'd like to know how many of us (in IT) we can expect to attend.
The plan is to have a Stripper (God forgive me) and an interesting Cake... [Big Boss] will freak over the Stripper as I have been warned by him time and again not to do it... :)
Please email me back and let me know if you and your other half might be able to attend the party.
Thank you for your time!
[Secretary Girl]

Ya’ll? Is it just me? Or is that a recipe for disaster? I have been to office parties, outside the office even, that resulted in hook ups that went horribly awry. People dancing wildly and shakin’ their money makers when they are normally quiet and reserved CFO’s. Months of, “Do you remember when [insert name here] danced on the bar while twirlin’ her drawers around her left pinkie!? Hence, I sent the following reply back to Mister.*
Note to reader: Bless his heart, he called me after he sent the email to assure me that he hadn’t read the email all the way through before he forwarded it to me. He was embarrassed.

My reply:

Seems like a ploy for a rockin’ good (er I mean uncomfortable) time!
If you would like to go, I will go with you. I'm not saying that the moment we see some chick in an ill fitting cop's outfit coming towards us that I'm gonna drag you out of there. I'm just saying....


Uncomfortable Situation: Well Hidee Ho neighbor!
Me: Hidee Ho nothin'.
Uncomfortable Situation: I was just hanging out at this party with your beloved's co-workers and I thought I'd stop by with my date. This is Candi. *gallant gesture*
Me: Hello, Candi? was it? Nice to meet you, I like your handcuffs and Loverboy cd.
Candi: *smacking gum/vacant look* Hi... um.... yeah, hi, thanks.
Uncomfortable Situation: Annnnnnyway, I was thinkin that we could let Candi here take off her top and gyrate around in front these people. *points* We all know that they really don't have too much in common and yanno... boobs are just what this party needs.
Me: You really think that's a good idea?
Uncomfortable Situation: Of course! Mix gender parties with spouses love nothing better than to see boobs. Yay! Boobs!

I need to hear from you guys. I feel like I am being a prude, but that part of me that says, “yanno Suz, this could get ugly” is speaking up.

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