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Oh Happy Day!

Issue Date: Thursday, Aug. 07, 2003

This weekend Mister and I went to a seminar put on by the Moody Bible Institute. It was called Toward a Growing Marriage. It was a two-day event for anyone who had been married for 30 years or for those getting married in 3 weeks. The speaker at the seminar was Dr. Gary Chapman. Dr. Chapman has done a series of books centered around the Five Love Languages. It really is an amazing tool for communication and understanding.

It goes like this, and I hope Dr. Chapman doesn’t mind me getting all in his Kool Aid.

There are five love languages. We each have one or two of them that are our main way of communication with those we love. They are:

Quality Time (spending time talking, and doing things with one another)

Acts of Service (doing the dishes, taking out the garbage, laundry)

Gifts (small things, jewelry, fishing lures, flowers)

Words of Affirmation (telling that person that they are important and loved ect.)

And Physical Touch (self explanatory)

The odds that a married (or even dating) couple speaks the same love language are very slim. So, to make sure your spouse (boyfriend, lover, significant other… whatever) is feeling loved, you need to make sure you have identified their language of love, and can share with them your language of love.

I, personally, am a one-two punch of Physical Touch and Gifts. And because those are the language of love I speak, I am always touching Mister in some small way* and bringing him small gifts.

*I call this my Lab’ behavior. Labrador Retrievers and notorious for leaning on their owners or in some small way touching them to feel close and reassured. My Maxxie (the wonder kitty) does this as well. If he is sitting on your lap looking at you, there is a good chance that he will touch your face or chest with his lil furry paw.

Mister is a combination of Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service. He is always telling me how cherished I am, how much he loves me, how lucky he feels to be part of my life [swoon!]. He does acts of service as well, like carrying things up the 3 flights of stairs to my apartment for me. Cleaning the ice off of my windshield in the morning in the winter and opening the door for me.

For him to show me that he loves me, because we speak different languages of love, he will brush my hair or rub my back (Physical Touch) and or my feet. He will also bring me cards and a little tin of chocolates or a bottle of lotion (Gifts) from Aveda… YAY!

For me to show him that he is loved and cherished, I tell (Words of Affirmation) him how awesome, amazing, sweet, kind, beautiful, powerful, strong, tender and loved that he is. I also do the laundry (Acts of Service) and the dishes and try to make his space neat and clean as well as cooking dinner for him.

These all sound like nice things, and they are. But if we were not aware of our different love languages we may not be so happy.

Take for instance Co-worker C and her wife.

Co-worker C is a Physical Touch and her wife is an Acts of Service and Gifts. They regularly go through very frustrating times because they have not communicated these things to one another. Co-worker C will do the dishes and mow the lawn to try and please her wife. She just wants her wife to hold her and kiss her, to touch her in a loving way. Her wife, because she is an Acts of Service/Gifts, will really appreciate the dishes and the mowing of the lawn and will show it by fixing dinner or buying something for Co-worker C. Co-worker C remains feeling unfulfilled. She just wants to be touched (Physical Touch), and her wife is not a touch-er.

Annnnnnnnnnnyway, the seminar was wonderful. Dr. Chapman covered everything from finances and fighting fair to sex. We also received a book to go through. It was such a great experience that Mister and I decided to make marriage seminars a part of our lives. We have decided to attend at least one a year to keep us on the right track.

This week Mister and I have done our budgeting and gone over our main values and the things that we think are important to bring into and maintain in our marriage. A Marriage Mission Statement, if you will.

Yes, we are retarded *grin*...but determined like big dogs to make sure that we do everything in our power to make this work.

Mister has been like a bulldog going through everything to make sure that we don’t miss a thing. He has contacted his insurance company, we have gone over our health insurance benefits, we have done our budgeting, we have even discussed taxes.

I got home last night at 5:30pm and fixed dinner. When Mister walked in at 6:15pm I was so excited. I really missed being away from him yesterday.

We ate dinner then went over more details that we thought were important on what we expected from each other. A laying of the ground rules type of thing. You know the, “I think it is inappropriate to talk about intimate areas of our lives and sexual information with somebody of the opposite sex.” And, “I agree, I also would find it inappropriate if a woman sat on your lap, unless she was a member of our family.”

Yanno… that kind of stuff.

Yes, most of those things are common sense. But it seems to give Mister and I both a sense of reassurance to hear them verbally.

We were expected to meet Clarice at the Tavern last night at 7:30pm. We had a cheesecake date. I also needed to give her the birthday present I got her three Monday’s ago.

After Mister and I were done talking, I stood up to change my top. Max was really happy to see me yesterday evening and with the heat outside climbing steadily to an index of 115, he is shedding pretty badly. I was wearing Max fur all over my shirt.

I took off my top and was standing there in my pants and my bra and Mister says, “I have one last question for you before we head out to meet Clarice for cheesecake.” I looked up at him and asked, “Sure. What is it sweetie?”

That is when he did it ya’ll. He pulled this velvet jewelry box out from his organizer, opened it and said, “Will you marry me?”

The rest of the evening was a blur.

We had to go meet Clarice, I was crying. I called my sister squealing. And… we ran out of gas on the way to the Tavern! Ha!

Everyone, well, only 9 of us, met up for a cheesecake celebration at the Tavern. My sister, BIL, Gray, Clarice, her hubby and son, Mister and I and my girlfriend Stacey the Possum Slayer… and BIL ordered celebratory champagne!

I am so happy!

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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

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