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Bon Scott played the freaking recorder before he joined up/made/whatever AC/DC.

Issue Date: Thursday, Mar. 22, 2007

Samantha (my car) sounds like all Ren-faire all the time with Audio Visions (channel 77) from XM Satellite. Have you guys listened to this thing? I was listening to Hear Music (channel 75 – the Starbucks channel) but apparently decided that I needed more pan flute. Cow bell? No. Pan. FLUTE.

Like if the pied piper, Enya and the composer for Robin Hood: Men in Tights got together for a jam session. This is the shit I am listening to.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

Ian Anderson*, a flautist (flutist?... oh, don’t start with me) was on yesterday morning all “dooo dooo dooo!!!!!” on his little flute-y thing and I was seriously questioning my sanity. I get the, ‘But Sue, it is relaxing!’… yeah, I get that. But I have held true to several things in my life, musically speaking. One? An organ does not a Doors song make. And two? I still can not get over that Bon Scott played the freaking recorder before he joined up/made/whatever AC/DC.

No, that really has nothing to do with any of this… just go with me. Patronize the crazy, if you will… oh, and I know you will.

*Holy shit, who knew… this is the guy from Jethro Tull. Oh, yeah, and by the way Aqualung? Come on. Scotty Boom Boom sang this song at karaoke in Green Bay (and sang it very well, might I add?) and I had never listened to or read the words before. I really shouldn’t have either way; they are creepy as all hell. Hi, song about a homeless pedophile with tuberculosis , how you doing?

Yes, Audio Visions sounds like an extended version of that birds chirping and water cascading shit that you listen to when you are getting a massage. A LEGAL massage you sick bastards.

Also, whenever I think of a pan flute or a flute in general, I have that whole flutist? flautist? Debate going on in my head… then I see something shiny and then I think of flautas, because I am all about the Mexican food baby.

Except not anymore. Do they make vegetarian flautas?

I would like some cheese.

And maybe a nap.

Okay… so the very dramatic post yesterday vilifying my mother. I called her last night on the way home from work. She was all, “I know, I’m sorry, I promised never to bring up your weight again…. But… blah blah blah…”

Y’all, I think it is a compulsion. She did it directly after she promised not to. I said, “Again, mother, I love you and I think that you meant to send that email with nothing but love and the best intentions… but, I am again releasing you of the responsibility you feel that you have to discuss my weight, diabetes….blah blah blah…”

And? She gets it because I said, “Momma, I know that you are saying, ‘I love you, I am worried about you, I don’t want you to die…’ but seriously? All I hear every time you broach the subject? Is, ‘You’re gonna be in a scooter by the time you are 40!’” She was very apologetic… and then brought it up again. So… she gets it, yeah, but will she leave it be? Nah, probably not.

Anyways, she and I are good. I just need to ignore her verbal diarrhea. After all, the apple does not fall far from the tree, right?

Also… I have a very big weekend coming up tomorrow. My bestest girlfriend since the seventh grade is in town from Seattle. I will pick her up at her parents’ house when I get off of work and we will head to the festivities over at the Big House. (Not prison, just a very big house.)

I am so excited to see these ladies. It is going to be such a blast.

I will come back with lots of stories and fun stuff.

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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

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