Princess of Irony

But on a plus side, my hair looks like complete and total crap.

Issue Date: Friday, Jul. 02, 2004

Quote I heard this morning on the way to work� twas on the radio:

�I am coming up on thirty years of age and I have never been good at this dating stuff. All the pressure and the anxiety� Yeah, like now they expect simultaneous orgasms. Duuuuude, I can�t even get the AquaFresh colors to all come out of the tube at the same time.�

Brilliant.

So� karmic boomerang. Yep, last post I mentioned the blow out with the expensive bra right? Well, guess what happened on my way home from work that day? Blow out with the hooptie�s back, right tire.

Sweet huh? I stopped at this liquor store (to stock up� riiiight) and bought some of that fix-a-flat crap. I put it in the tire and filled it up with air. It is holding but Mister wasn�t too happy with the fix-a-flat decision I made. Apparently that crap can make a huge mess that people at discount tire or AAA don�t want to fool with. Also, it can take whatever is in the tire (that made it go flat in the first place) and cause it to become a projectile missile like piece of shrapnel.

Yeah, who knew? Oh. You did, huh? Well thanks for telling me. Meanie.

So, I did the tire thing and went to the house, Mister took the hooptie and went up to discount tire. They looked over my tires, looked me up in the computer and came to this conclusion. My tires were all new in 2001� December of 2001. The back right one that I �patched� needs to be replaced. The front right one� nail in it� too worn down to be patched. And the other two? Yeah, the tread is showing.

Hello extra expense. I knew you were coming over, I just didn�t know when. Really� you should have called. I haven�t even made up the bed in the guest bedroom.

Apparently my old job� yeah the one I drove over 80 miles a day for?� yeah, that one� that one gave my 40,000 mile tires a serious run for their money� and won.

I hated that job.

Well, I really didn�t hate the job. The �job� part was cool. I just couldn�t stomach working for hand boss on a daily basis.

Are ya new to this journal? Don�t know about hand boss? Well, he�s still in the cast page. (I�ll update it someday� leeeme alone.) But you can find a gem (JEM!) of an entry on him here.

But I digress.

You: No. *dramatic unbelieving pause* You? Going off on a tangent?
Me: Hush it.

Soooo. This weekend. The Fourth of July and all that. Yeah, I�m patriotic. I have a picture of Uncle Sam tattooed on my ass with a caption of, �I Want YOU� to kiss my ass.� Kidding.

I kid.

But, (butt� heee!) I am going back to Nacogdoches for the first time since� um, since� well, I did drive through in 2003 I think� on the way back from New Orleans. Yeah, I did. But that was just to drive through.

This time, I am going back for a bar-b-q/baby shower for my girlfriend Sil. She lives in Chicago and is in town to visit with her family before the arrival of the little one. One girlfriend who still lives in Nacogdoches and a one from Houston decided that this would be a perfect time to throw her a shower.

Thank you Jennifer and Brenna!

It was such a surprise (a great one) to receive the e-vite in my Inbox a few weeks ago. I clicked over and saw that everyone will be there. I am looking forward to seeing all of them, and introducing Mister to the men of the group. He met the women at the Ya-Ya weekend last year.

Mister is excited to meet the rest of my long time buddies and a little wary of the unknown. He doesn�t know what to expect since we are venturing into the turf of the ex-husband.

To be honest, I don�t know what to expect either.

But on a plus side, my hair looks like complete and total crap. I haven�t had it cut since� um, February? March? Whatever, it was WAY too long ago. My bangs are hanging down to my nose/mouth/chin area (yes, it is very uneven) and the rest looks limp and damaged. Jealous?

But to give it a bit of credit, I haven�t really �fixed� it since May. I wash it, comb it out and leave it. Snazzy. I look like a pretty, pretty ho from the west side of a busted up trailer park� with a bad perm� and a big butt.

You want me � don�t you?

Yeah boyeee! I see all the men runnin�Away. From. Me� HEY!

Oh, on a happier (um?) note. I watched one of those True Life documentary things on MTV last night. It was called, �I�m Obese�.

Uh�

Dayum.

Apparently, I am clinically obese. But I don�t look a thing like any of those people on that show. I still have cute little (chicken) legs, my waist is defined, my butt is still high and ~~huge~~ tight, my ~~seven~~ two chins aren�t all that bad and I am still fairly graceful.

I felt SO bad for that chick that was like 600 pounds because she had lymph-edema or something like that. She started therapy for that and lost 65 pounds in two weeks. Um� hi. *waves* If I lost 65 pounds� I would be hot. HOT. Hawwwt!

I have got to do something about this extra weight I have been carrying around for several years. If I don�t it is going to take a toll on my heart and� AND� I want to be thinner so I can have a healthy pregnancy if Mister and I ever decided to add to the population.

It just broke my heart to watch that show� but yet, I couldn�t look away. It was like a train wreck. Oddly fascinating and yet humbling.

I wonder if that is why people watch me intently when I am doing the funky chicken at special events.

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