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My left pupil was all jacked up, cracked out, Courtney Love on Letterman and shit.

Issue Date: Tuesday, Jul. 13, 2004

Do you guys remember the onset of my first migraine back in November of last year? Well, the first migraine that required a visit to the ER and with much vomiting. Yeah, that one, well… I have been doing fairly well. I have not had a bad one in a few weeks. Knock on wood. Not even during the stress fest that was the move.

One hit me pretty hard on Sunday afternoon. It was like I had this mohawk of pain that started at the base of my skull and went over the top of my head. I was down for the count and out cold for like four hours after my Imitrex shot. I promptly woke up at 6 pm, fixed a huge meal of spaghetti, salad, French bread and baked a cake within 45 minutes of my getting out of bed. I’m nothing if not a domestic goddess yanno.

Yesterday, Monday, I went to my chiropractor for a visit. It was just a standard monthly adjustment that I have been meaning to do since we moved (I jacked up my left shoulder a bit.). Dr. S adjusted my spine; many snap, crackles and pops were heard. Then she asked me to turn over on the table and proceeded to adjust my neck.

Right side… crrrACK. Ok.

Left side… crrrAOHGoodLordMaryJesusandJosephThatHURTlikeaBITCH!

Let’s try again… wiggle that left foot Suz, when is Mister’s birthday Suz? She asked me anything and everything to try and distract me so I wouldn’t tighten up when she tried to adjust me. That one little vertebra was just stubborn as all hell and was NOT going to let go.

She asked me to sit up. I did. I turned to look at her and she promptly got all “Holy SHIT!” on me. She didn’t actually curse. She’s a professional for crap’s sake. She did, however, ask if she could check my vision. She pulled out her penlight and checked my pupils.

Apparently, and here’s where it gets fun. [Chaaa, right.] My right pupil was a-ok. Nothin goin on there. Just a pupil hangin out in an iris, expanding and contracting with the amount of light available to it at any given moment. Regular pupil-ly stuff right? Right.

My left pupil was all jacked up, cracked out, Courtney Love on Letterman and shit. All big and tarded.

Let’s recap shall we? Right pupil? Checkity, check-check bitches. Left pupil? Holy Crap what the hell is wrong with your EYE? Did you put Drain-o™ in that shit or did you recently suffer head trauma?

She asked me how my vision was. It was sort of wacky. Not woo-hoo, a fun house ride, and squiggle vision wacky, but weird enough. Like, if I covered my right eye and looked at the Dr., one second she would be all-double, the next second… right as rain. And my head was starting to hurt, not in the normal place, which is a hook over my left eye and the back of my head, and not in the mohawk pattern like it hurt on Sunday. It just hurt at the back of my head, and over my right ear on top of my head.

Dr. S asked me to stay in the office. My eyes went back to normal, but she didn’t want me to drive if a migraine was coming on. She put me in an exam room with the lights down low and asked me to stay a bit. I did and when she came back to check on me the third time (she really is an angel), she checked my eyes again.

They were cracked out again. She said, “Suz, why don’t you look in the bathroom mirror to see for yourself.”

I did.

People. I looked like I should have been snifflin my nose, scratching my arms and doin the junkie shuffle while going through a bad high off some meth.

Or what I would imagine that would look like.

Ok… have you guys ever seen the movie Spun??? They show how these junkies see the world right after they fix, then they show their faces. My eyes looked like that.

So, today has been all about calling my neurologist, trying to get an appointment with an ophthalmologist and trying not to spaz.

I have an appointment on Thursday with an ophthalmologist and hopefully he will be able to tell me that everything is ok. My vision will not be impaired permanently; it is just an effect of the migraine on my occipital nerves or something.

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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

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