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So.... Where have You been?

Issue Date: Tuesday, Mar. 29, 2005

"Carrier Monkey"

ACT ONE

FADE IN:

INT. Copier Room of Workplace – MORNING – The copier is humming loudly running through its paces.

Coughy McChokesOnPhlegm stands over the copier keypad like a bulldog over a favorite bone, wheezing slightly.

The heat from the overworked copier, the small space and Coughy’s ill health combine to make a slight sheen of sweat cover Coughy’s brow. She doesn’t even notice.

(Camera cuts into a tight shot of Coughy’s watery red-rimmed, almost colorless eyes.)

INT. Suzanna Danna’s desk as she puts together a folder of paperwork to take to the copy room. The camera follows Suzanna Danna down the short hallway from her desk to the copy room. Suzanna Danna enters the copy room, and finding it occupied stops short.

SUZANNA DANNA

(stopping suddenly)

Oh, hi… I’m sorry…


COUGHY MCCHOKESONPHLEGM

(turning from the copier and coughing into her hand)

Oh, that’s ok… I was just finishing up in here.

SUZANNA DANNA

(head tilted to the side a little)

Thanks, so, how have you been feeling lately?

COUGHY MCCHOKESONPHLEGM

(smiling)

Soooo much better, thanks for asking.

Coughy finishes her copying and exits with her papers, coughing the whole way.

The camera zooms in on a little speck of spittle that becomes airborne from one of Coughy’s many hacks (a la the movie scene in Outbreak) as it finds its way into Suzanna Danna’s lungs.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE.

ACT TWO

FADE IN:

Slap a clock at the bottom of the screen, count down to 72 hours for incubation.

INT. Suzanna Danna’s bedroom at 2:15 am the next evening.

SUZANNA DANNA

(tossing and turing… NOT SLEEPING)

Whine… whimper…. Blargh

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO.

ACT THREE

FADE IN:

EXT. Outside Chick-Fil-A on Tuesday when Mister comes to get Suzanna Danna for lunch. She loves Chick-Fil-A. Yay, he’s sweet. Show them walking up to the double doors.

SUZANNA DANNA

(turning green)

Uggh… I don’t know if I can go in there.

MISTER

(blink)

What’s wrong baby?

SUZANNA DANNA

(hand to mouth in classic speyacking style)

The smell.

MISTER

(following her back outside… then back in, then back out)

Um… are you ok?

SUZANNA DANNA

(pouty lip)

I don’t feel too well baby.

MISTER

(nodding)

Why don’t you come home early from work. Can you do that today?

SUZANNA DANNA

(still with the pouty lip)

I think so.

INT. Watch as Suzanna Danna changes her mind several times on her menu choice. Decides she doesn’t like what she ordered. Orders chicken soup, doesn’t eat that either.

INT. Back at the office, Suzanna Danna finishes up her pressing matters and tells her boss she’s feeling “icky”. She goes home.

INT. At home Suzanna Danna sits in the big chair freezing, wrapped in blankets with the heat on a frillion degrees, her temperature keeps rising from 101.4. Mister declares that he will be taking her to the doctor on Wednesday.

INT. Wednesday 2:35 am Suzanna Danna flopping around in bed, whining.

INT. Wednesday 10:00 am @ PrimaCare (because Dr. W the family physician is always on “Emergency” when we call) but the cultures are done for strep and flu. Suzanna Danna calls her boss with the news.

SUZANNA DANNA

(stuffy sounding and not at all happy about it)

Hi boss man, I have good news and bad news.

BOSS MAN

Good news first please?

SUZANNA DANNA

Well, I don’t have strep.

BOSS MAN

And the bad news?

SUZANNA DANNA

It’s the flu… the doc put me at contagious for five days. Tell the whole gang to boil their work stations. I’ll be back on the 29th… that’s Monday right?

BOSS MAN

Tuesday actually. Well, don’t push yourself and get well.

INT. Mister gets the prescriptions filled for all of the medications that it will take to get Suzanna Danna to feel better. She naps on and off for five days. Misses getting to go to her parent’s lake house for Easter and the celebration there, but gets better. Her first day back in the office she runs into Coughy in the hallway outside the copy room.

Suzanna Danna screams and runs in the other direction.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT THREE.

THE END

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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

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