Princess of Irony

Wesley from Princess Bride cutting off his own foot� to spite his face maybe?

Issue Date: Monday, Jan. 16, 2006

Ok, this is completely ridiculous. Not just the fact that I dreamt about� what else? Fucking zombies again last night. But that I have become just about retarded in my old age.

I stumble like Ozzy (or John Madden) on Oxycontin. Or I have several times over the past few days. I have new jeans and new pants from Mister that he got me for Christmas. They are all �tall�s� and for some reason they are long as hell. Either that or I am shrinking. So mix the pants with the stumbling (and mumbling) and you have yourself a picture of grace and poise.

The other morning I went into the kitchen at the office to get my cup of hot water. Ya�ll know the boiling hot-ass water that comes out of that little temperamental spigot on the front of a commercial coffee maker? Yeah, that.

I am still a little bit squicky with breakfast foods in the morning, I have been ever since the generous gift of stomach flu that I received from Santa for Christmas, so my morning breakfast usually consists of beef bouillon or soup from a packet. Just add hot water to either, the granules of beef bouillon (how completely unappetizing does that sound?) or to the dehydrated packet of soup powder.

So I got my little Styrofoam cup of hot water, my big plastic cup of cold water with ice and a spoon to take by to my desk and then I stopped. When faced with the door to exit, I thought, �Hmmm, I have to open the door to get back to hallway and to my desk so that I may continue to be a productive member of this association and contribute to the society at large.� I took the hot (scalding, boiling, magma-like) water from my right hand and braced it against my tummy and then I reached for the door.

Now, I am such the genius when it comes to foreboding so many of you probably already know what happened next. The door opened with someone else barreling through it and I moved to get out of the way and the hot (scalding, boiling, magma-like) water seared my tummy like a well saut�ed onion, or shrimp� or something with delicate translucent skin.

Smart no?

Oh, and then? THEN? A few days ago when we rented the ass munch that is Deuce Bigelow, Swahili Gigolo we also got Saw. Now I seriously thought that it would be an hour and forty-five minutes of �eeeeesh� and �Good Lord.� But alas, I was wrong. The only oogie factors in the film are #1 the marionette thingy that looks like a clown with some sort of John Merrick disease plus a bad make up job and Wesley from Princess Bride cutting off his own foot� to spite his face maybe?

Oh, ya�ll� I am so damn excited. A group of my old college friends are getting together in a few weeks back in Nacogdoches to celebrate a milestone birthday of D�Wayne. We�re going to go to Jitterbugs that Saturday night and dance, dance, dance. So very excited. Ya�ll KNOW.

Maybe I�ll write a coherent entry tomorrow. Maybe.

Much love and frilly panties.

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