Princess of Irony

Weekend With Friends in Nac Part II

Issue Date: Thursday, Feb. 09, 2006

Best sentence I heard* last night**: �Oh honey please, you are so gay that your amoebas wear feather boas.�

Ok, on to part two of the Nacogdoches weekend story.

When we last left our heroine she was bugging the shit out of her patient, loving and kind husband by talking at speeds in excess of warp two. (�Engage.�)

So, we drove� well� Mister drove and I talked and talked and talked. Did I mention that before we even left the man had a headache? I am surprised I am not trying to make a home for myself in one of the booming metropolises (metropoli?) that we drove through on our way to my old college town.

He could have stopped the car and politely asked me to get out at any moment and looking back, I wouldn�t have blamed the poor man one bit. He could have pulled over in say� Gallatin, TX and said sweetly, �Baby, you are killing me. Now please kindly get the eff out. I will be back through this way sometime Sunday� or maybe not. Not until you shut the hell up.�

But he didn�t and we headed on into Nacogdoches.

The first stop? Continental Liquor on North Street of course. Scotch for Mister (to drown out my strident high pitched voice that interestingly gained a southern accent as soon as we crossed into Cherokee County) and several packs of smokes for me so I could relax and sound like Kathleen Turner by Sunday.

When we left there we went on a little treasure hunt to find a Smoke Barn to get a few cigars for the boys. Sadly, the Smoke Barn was not to be found, but Mister got a small tour of Nac all the same. We went south on University Drive and I asked him to keep going until he hit the loop (Loop 224). I wanted to take him by one of the plants that make up a large portion of the employment percentage for Nac� the Pilgrims Pride plant.

Note: I was trying to find a link to Bo Pilgrim saying, �I won�t sell ya a fat, yeller chicken.� Alas, I could not find said commercial, but please, oh dear Lord, please� click on this link right here and choose �Freshness Takes Flight�� the last little selection on the cartoon TV. Please, do it now. I�ll wait.

The lack of any viable irony kills me.

When I was working at a job in Nac that paid a very ~~poultry~~ paltry sum� the hours were long and tedious, the stress was great and I would answer the phone several times a week to hear the plant�s General Manager say, �What are you wearing?� The only thing that kept me sane (suuuuuuuuuuuure) was this little sticky note that I attached to my computer with the two words, �Chicken Parts�. Because regardless of how bad I thought it was, at least I wasn�t killing, plucking or dividing Pilgrims Pride (or Tyson) chicken into chicken parts on a daily basis.

The smell, the hairnets, the rubber boots� eeesh.

So we circled around the south side (Sout Siiiieeeeeede!) and drove up South Street to our hotel.

This is where it gets fun y�all.

Here is a little back story for you. Gloria, D�Wayne�s captivating bride, called me a few days into January and the following conversation took place:
Self: Hello?
Gloria: What are y�all doing the weekend of the 3rd and the 4th of February?
Self: Hmmm, well, my sister�s birthday is on the 30th� and I have to go to Charlotte the week before�
Gloria: When?
Self: Oh, the 21st through the 25th or something like that. Why? What�s up?
Gloria: D�Wayne�s 40th birthday is on the-
Self: Third� Oh holy shit we are old.
Gloria: Girl, I know it.
Self: So what are you thinking?
Gloria: I want to get everyone together in Nacogdoches and surprise D�Wayne.
Self: Oh My GOD. That would be the bestest idea ever.
Gloria: Would you help me plan it?
Self: Shit, I am so all over that� I�ll call the Fredonia right now. Wait� it�s 7:30 at night, I am sure no one will be working in the sales department.
Gloria: Why the Fredonia?
Self: They have an executive floor that has a commons area and they do happy hour at night and continental breakfast in the mornings and we could all be on one floor together and we could do the SURPRISE! thing in the little sitting area � and� and�
Gloria: Well, that is a good idea� ok, you call who you can and the hotel and I�ll call other people and we�ll talk tomorrow.
Self: Awesome!... I am so excited!
Gloria: Me too� WOOO!

And that is how it all began.

Suffice it to say, the Fredonia is an older hotel. Nacogdoches is the oldest town in Texas, and the Fredonia isn�t much younger. But� BUT� the staff there is lovely, they have a bar downstairs that I have spent (back in my youth) many a night drinking with friends, the rooms are spacious, they have the nice executive floor with all of the amenities and it is right smack downtown. (Not that it is tough to get anywhere in Nac, it is just nice to be within walking distance of the police department. (The same police department I used to steal my ex-husband�s Jeep from when he was on duty.))

So the next day, after I talked to Glo, I looked online and got the hotel�s weekend getaway package information. The one that I was particularly interested in was the �Stay and Play� weekend. It included a room night and the greens and cart fees to play golf at the Piney Woods Golf Club which is a private course. Gloria thought that the guys could play a round of golf while we set up the surprise.

We worked out the details and the list of people who could come grew to a pretty nice sized group. That is why I was so excited to pull into the hotel on Saturday. When Mister and I pulled up, we were the first ones there. We got situated in our room and then J.Wo called me.
J.Wo: I�m here at Jay and Brenna�s. Are we all going to dinner? Oh, and Glo and D� got a later start than what they planned.
Self: How late?
J.Wo: Well they should be here around 7 o�clock.
Self: Cool. Ok, where should we go to dinner?
Brenna: [in the background] How about Clear Springs?
J.Wo: She said-
Self: Clear Springs, I heard her� That is a great choice for Mister. His one request was for this not to be a weekend of eating Mexican food.
J.Wo: But we�re in Nacogdoches!
Self: I know honey. You should have seen his face fall as we were driving in and he counted eleventy Mexican restaurants before we even got to the college.
J.Wo: Heh� Ok, so do you want me to call Glo and let her know the plan?
Self: I will..
J.Wo: D� still doesn�t know ya�ll are coming.
Self: Sweet.

So I called Gloria.
Self: GlooooooooooRia! G-L-O-R-I-A� Gloooo-
Gloria: Oh, hey� how are you?
Self: Doing well, I hear that you guys got a later start than you planned.
Gloria: Oh, we�re doing fine. We are actually on our way to Nacogdoches.
Self: No shit. Ok, ok, I�ll play along so he won�t know we�re here.
Gloria: Yes, it is very exciting.
Self: I Looooooove yooooooouuuuuuuu!
Gloria: We�re going to hang out a Jay and Brenna�s� I think we�re going to do a Bar-B-Que or something.
Self: Heh. Ok, we are planning dinner at Clear Springs for 7 o�clock. Do you think you guys are going to be able to make it?
Gloria: Um, no, I am not sure that Livingston is where�
Self: Ok, ok� how far outside Houston are you? One hour? Two hours? Thirty Minutes? Just say one two or three.
Gloria: Three, and it was really great to talk to you too! Bye!

Oh y�all know she wanted to kick my ass.

We kept skooching the time for dinner back (as Mister was getting hungry and surly) until we decided on 7:45.

They got to the hotel at like 7 o�clock on the nose and while D� was parking the car and Glo was checking in she called me and said that D� had to take a shower so give them 20 minutes and then come to the room to surprise him.

We went to their room and knocked. You could hear Glo, �I have to pee!� And the bathroom door slam so D�Wayne would have to answer the door. Mister and I hid on either side of it so D� couldn�t see us through the peep hole.

He opened the door and I swung around and all casual like said, �Hey man, wanna go to dinner?�

His face was a mixture of pure confusion and, honestly? A little bit of terror. Heh. Glo came out of the bathroom and was singing, �Surprise!� and I hugged him and Mister hugged him and we waited for him to catch up to what was going on.

Gloria was alllll smiles as we went to dinner and D� kept playfully patting her on the ass and calling her a liar. She had told him that Mister and I wanted to come but that we couldn�t make it after all.

Dinner was fun, it was basically the girls and Mister and D�. A small ya-ya tour. We (the girls) were all being totally inappropriate, eating off of each other�s plates, discussing boobs, putting on lipstick at the table (WHORES!) and calling our waitress Pipi.

We then went to meet Jay at the bar back at the hotel. Jay was just getting off work and we stayed up drinking and smoking at the bar until last call. Um, may I just mention that last call in Nacogdoches on a Friday night is at midnight?

We all hugged and kissed and promised to see each other the next day. Being able to say that was wonderful to me.

The guys were going to be dragging because D�Wayne, Mister and Jay had a tee-time at the country club at 8 o�clock the next morning.

Lord, I am long winded.

To be continued� again.

*myself say
**in my own damn dream

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	Weekend With Friends in Nac Part II Issue Date: Thursday, Feb. 09, 2006 Best sentence I heard* last night*: �Oh honey please, you are so gay that your amoebas wear feather boas.� Ok, on to part two of the Nacogdoches weekend story. When we last left our heroine she was bugging the shit out of her patient, loving and kind husband by talking at speeds in excess of warp two. (�Engage.�) So, we drove� well� Mister drove and I talked and talked and talked. Did I mention that before we even left the man had a headache? I am surprised I am not trying to make a home for myself in one of the booming metropolises (metropoli?) that we drove through on our way to my old college town. He could have stopped the car and politely asked me to get out at any moment and looking back, I wouldn�t have blamed the poor man one bit. He could have pulled over in say� Gallatin, TX and said sweetly, �Baby, you are killing me. Now please kindly get the eff out. I will be back through this way sometime Sunday� or maybe not. Not until you shut the hell up.� But he didn�t and we headed on into Nacogdoches. The first stop? Continental Liquor on North Street of course. Scotch for Mister (to drown out my strident high pitched voice that interestingly gained a southern accent as soon as we crossed into Cherokee County) and several packs of smokes for me so I could relax and sound like Kathleen Turner by Sunday. When we left there we went on a little treasure hunt to find a Smoke Barn to get a few cigars for the boys. Sadly, the Smoke Barn was not to be found, but Mister got a small tour of Nac all the same. We went south on University Drive and I asked him to keep going until he hit the loop (Loop 224). I wanted to take him by one of the plants that make up a large portion of the employment percentage for Nac� the Pilgrims Pride plant. Note: I was trying to find a link to Bo Pilgrim saying, �I won�t sell ya a fat, yeller chicken.� Alas, I could not find said commercial, but please, oh dear Lord, please� click on this link right here and choose �Freshness Takes Flight�� the last little selection on the cartoon TV. Please, do it now. I�ll wait. The lack of any viable irony kills me. When I was working at a job in Nac that paid a very ~~poultry~~ paltry sum� the hours were long and tedious, the stress was great and I would answer the phone several times a week to hear the plant�s General Manager say, �What are you wearing?� The only thing that kept me sane (suuuuuuuuuuuure) was this little sticky note that I attached to my computer with the two words, �Chicken Parts�. Because regardless of how bad I thought it was, at least I wasn�t killing, plucking or dividing Pilgrims Pride (or Tyson) chicken into chicken parts on a daily basis. The smell, the hairnets, the rubber boots� eeesh. So we circled around the south side (Sout Siiiieeeeeede!) and drove up South Street to our hotel. This is where it gets fun y�all. Here is a little back story for you. Gloria, D�Wayne�s captivating bride, called me a few days into January and the following conversation took place: Self: Hello? Gloria: What are y�all doing the weekend of the 3rd and the 4th of February? Self: Hmmm, well, my sister�s birthday is on the 30th� and I have to go to Charlotte the week before� Gloria: When? Self: Oh, the 21st through the 25th or something like that. Why? What�s up? Gloria: D�Wayne�s 40th birthday is on the- Self: Third� Oh holy shit we are old. Gloria: Girl, I know it. Self: So what are you thinking? Gloria: I want to get everyone together in Nacogdoches and surprise D�Wayne. Self: Oh My GOD. That would be the bestest idea ever. Gloria: Would you help me plan it? Self: Shit, I am so all over that� I�ll call the Fredonia right now. Wait� it�s 7:30 at night, I am sure no one will be working in the sales department. Gloria: Why the Fredonia? Self: They have an executive floor that has a commons area and they do happy hour at night and continental breakfast in the mornings and we could all be on one floor together and we could do the SURPRISE! thing in the little sitting area � and� and� Gloria: Well, that is a good idea� ok, you call who you can and the hotel and I�ll call other people and we�ll talk tomorrow. Self: Awesome!... I am so excited! Gloria: Me too� WOOO! And that is how it all began. Suffice it to say, the Fredonia is an older hotel. Nacogdoches is the oldest town in Texas, and the Fredonia isn�t much younger. But� BUT� the staff there is lovely, they have a bar downstairs that I have spent (back in my youth) many a night drinking with friends, the rooms are spacious, they have the nice executive floor with all of the amenities and it is right smack downtown. (Not that it is tough to get anywhere in Nac, it is just nice to be within walking distance of the police department. (The same police department I used to steal my ex-husband�s Jeep from when he was on duty.)) So the next day, after I talked to Glo, I looked online and got the hotel�s weekend getaway package information. The one that I was particularly interested in was the �Stay and Play� weekend. It included a room night and the greens and cart fees to play golf at the Piney Woods Golf Club which is a private course. Gloria thought that the guys could play a round of golf while we set up the surprise. We worked out the details and the list of people who could come grew to a pretty nice sized group. That is why I was so excited to pull into the hotel on Saturday. When Mister and I pulled up, we were the first ones there. We got situated in our room and then J.Wo called me. J.Wo: I�m here at Jay and Brenna�s. Are we all going to dinner? Oh, and Glo and D� got a later start than what they planned. Self: How late? J.Wo: Well they should be here around 7 o�clock. Self: Cool. Ok, where should we go to dinner? Brenna: [in the background] How about Clear Springs? J.Wo: She said- Self: Clear Springs, I heard her� That is a great choice for Mister. His one request was for this not to be a weekend of eating Mexican food. J.Wo: But we�re in Nacogdoches! Self: I know honey. You should have seen his face fall as we were driving in and he counted eleventy Mexican restaurants before we even got to the college. J.Wo: Heh� Ok, so do you want me to call Glo and let her know the plan? Self: I will.. J.Wo: D� still doesn�t know ya�ll are coming. Self: Sweet. So I called Gloria. Self: GlooooooooooRia! G-L-O-R-I-A� Gloooo- Gloria: Oh, hey� how are you? Self: Doing well, I hear that you guys got a later start than you planned. Gloria: Oh, we�re doing fine. We are actually on our way to Nacogdoches. Self: No shit. Ok, ok, I�ll play along so he won�t know we�re here. Gloria: Yes, it is very exciting. Self: I Looooooove yooooooouuuuuuuu! Gloria: We�re going to hang out a Jay and Brenna�s� I think we�re going to do a Bar-B-Que or something. Self: Heh. Ok, we are planning dinner at Clear Springs for 7 o�clock. Do you think you guys are going to be able to make it? Gloria: Um, no, I am not sure that Livingston is where� Self: Ok, ok� how far outside Houston are you? One hour? Two hours? Thirty Minutes? Just say one two or three. Gloria: Three, and it was really great to talk to you too! Bye! Oh y�all know* she wanted to kick my ass. We kept skooching the time for dinner back (as Mister was getting hungry and surly) until we decided on 7:45. They got to the hotel at like 7 o�clock on the nose and while D� was parking the car and Glo was checking in she called me and said that D� had to take a shower so give them 20 minutes and then come to the room to surprise him. We went to their room and knocked. You could hear Glo, �I have to pee!� And the bathroom door slam so D�Wayne would have to answer the door. Mister and I hid on either side of it so D� couldn�t see us through the peep hole. He opened the door and I swung around and all casual like said, �Hey man, wanna go to dinner?� His face was a mixture of pure confusion and, honestly? A little bit of terror. Heh. Glo came out of the bathroom and was singing, �Surprise!� and I hugged him and Mister hugged him and we waited for him to catch up to what was going on. Gloria was alllll smiles as we went to dinner and D� kept playfully patting her on the ass and calling her a liar. She had told him that Mister and I wanted to come but that we couldn�t make it after all. Dinner was fun, it was basically the girls and Mister and D�. A small ya-ya tour. We (the girls) were all being totally inappropriate, eating off of each other�s plates, discussing boobs, putting on lipstick at the table (WHORES!) and calling our waitress Pipi. We then went to meet Jay at the bar back at the hotel. Jay was just getting off work and we stayed up drinking and smoking at the bar until last call. Um, may I just mention that last call in Nacogdoches on a Friday night is at midnight? We all hugged and kissed and promised to see each other the next day. Being able to say that was wonderful to me. The guys were going to be dragging because D�Wayne, Mister and Jay had a tee-time at the country club at 8 o�clock the next morning. Lord, I am long winded. To be continued� again. myself say in my own damn dream \| Back Issues ::: Current Issue Please switch to the Suzannadanna.net site. - Friday, May. 23, 2008 - - Monday, Apr. 14, 2008 C'mon y'all - Friday, Feb. 22, 2008 C'Mon! - Wednesday, Feb. 13, 2008 - - Friday, Dec. 28, 2007 Follow this Link to the Cheese Club*. Enter your photo in our Cheese Off Contest! 100 Things About Me Sign the Guestbook gmail me babies Notified users get the dirt before EVERYONE ELSE! Enter your email here: Powered by NotifyList.com This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.