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Buggy Apology & a Dream

Issue Date: Thursday, Apr. 17, 2003

Ick[Paranoia creeps up that something is crawling in my hair.]

Ya’ll, there are flying termites swarming this tiny office. Ew ew ew. I think it is in retaliation to my bee-yotch entry yesterday. They are vindictive little suckers, those of the insect world.

“Ok, ok, ok. I take it back. My commercial genius was in no way directed towards the Isoptera order. I mean no disrespect. Now, get yer filthy lil wings off’a my mouse pad! ……… Yer momma was a cockroach!”

For those of you dorky enough to be interested, termites did evolve from a primitive form of cockroach about 20 million years ago.

You: Enough with the Animal Planet BS, entertain me!
Me: Alright already, pushy bastid ain’t ya?

So, last night was a mental orgasm of Discovery Channel and DVD goodness. They (the TV gods at Discovery Channel) were playing the bestest documentary called “Mega-Excavators: Machines that Reshape The World”. Oh momma, that was so cool. Then Mister and I watched Jurassic Park III. Needless to say my dream world was affected.

I dreamt that I was using Big Muskie to dig a strip mine through Isla Sorna. I was very worried about leaving the over burden in an inconspicuous place as not to piss of the Spinosaurus. Or whatever that big ugly guy’s name was. Sam Neil, as Sam Neil… not that character in the movie introduced me to his wife, who showed me a book that proved that he was going to divorce her… Because he wrote the book, called White Oleander*, and sure enough it said in the book, “I, Sam Neil, am going to divorce my wife.” The book turned out to be special. (*The dream White Oleander had nothing to do with that girl movie that came out this year.) The book had incantations that turned all his wives (he had more than one) into a guitar case of a sort. When he said this incantation and his wife was sitting on his bed, she sorta turned into a squishy mummy like thing that looked like Sally from Nightmare Before Christmas. Her head would loll back and her hair would grow very long. Sam Neil would pull her hair to the side and pull out his prized guitar with a thick ribbon covering it.

No more Tony’s pizza for me. Even if it is normal dinnertime.

I’m off work tomorrow. Yay!

Happy Easter everyone!


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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

The Graphic Below Courtesy of Papernapkin.

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