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Flamenco Fran

Issue Date: Wednesday, Aug. 13, 2003

I had the most wonderful time last night. Drinking, dancing, dressing up and disco! I was Fran Drescher. And not in a costume party or an AA meeting sort of way*. I was really Fran Drescher. With my head and my voice.

*I have taken the liberty of stealing Karen’s [from Will and Grace] pseudonym of Anastasia Beaverhausen when the need arises. I have also affectionately named Mister Norman, Norman Beaverhausen on such occasion.

I was wearing this fantastic black lace flamenco dress* with red roses on it. I was all sorts of nervous because I was carrying a white beaded evening clutch and it totally did not go with my outfit.

*Oh My God. I totally had this doll when I was little. I probably still have it in a box at my parents abode marked “Suz’s Crap!” The doll was given to me by my Great Aunt Nell. Aunt Nell was a crotchety old woman who didn’t know how to be affectionate, so she bought my sister and I things and sent my parents fruitcake that would make the mailman drunk because the smell of the package was so potent. P.S. dolls and anything clown-like totally creep me out, but I thought this doll was completely sex-kittenish in all of her tacky lace-y-ness, with her pointy boobs and white, cotton undies. Yes, they [the dolls] have on underwear.

YOU: Enough with the little starry (*) side notes already! Sheesh
ME: Ok, ok. Alrighty then. You don’t have to be such a big baby!

The big scandal that evening was that a gay man would be starting at the new all woman’s salon the following Monday. All the gay men and fag-hags in the room were all for it and the stodgy cranky ‘That’s not the way it should be!’ purists were up in arms about the whole thing.

I was asked to perform a choreographed/free style dance to bring the room to unity. I did so and even incorporated my mismatched white beaded purse into the foray. I felt a little silly at the time, opening and closing the purse a la’ Chevy Chase’s ‘dance with a sandwich debut’ in National Lampoon’s: Vacation, but the crowd loved it. They fell in love with me for my grace, my style and my ability to pull the room together in unity by the beauty of my movement.

I brought the house down with applause. I was not even sweaty! I bowed graciously and accepted compliments, accolades and looks of adoration from some and envy from others.

I knew I needed to get going. Mister and I needed to get back. We were babysitting a 60-something year old man who happened to be the Vice President of my Association. He wanted to sleep on the same bed with Mister and I because he felt small.

We relented and perched him at the foot of the bed. In a little box. Like he was some chinchilla with a bald patch and a poorly placed earring.

Mister stepped out of the room for a moment and the VP crawled up the side of the bed that I was occupying. When I looked down, he was laying at my right side with is tiny hand lying on my chest. Not my boobie mind you, just my chest. I told him that what he was doing was completely inappropriate behavior.

I then leaned out the bedroom window and called Betty White to come and get him. She yelled to tell me that she’d be up in a moment but that my mother wasn’t going to be very happy.

Oh, that crafty Betty White.

Then… I woke up.

What a great dream sequence! I was skinny, a great dancer (creative, adored and loved by the public) and belittling to my Vice President all in one short period of time!


This weekend is my Ya Ya weekend! I am so excited! The weather has been cooling off a bit. Not too much mind you, just enough so you don’t feel as though you are living on the surface of the sun. I have Friday off and I meet up with my whole crew at 7pm on Friday night. A bunch of the Houston crew is taking off Thursday as well so they go to Nacogdoches and go out on Thursday night. They are probably going to go to Jitterbugs, a bar I frequented with scary regularity when I lived in Nacogdoches.

I talked to a girlfriend last night and she told me the plan. I hurried home to see Mister and asked if he could take off Friday so we could go. He actually took yesterday off to run errands and get things situated so we could get married. He had to update his license and all that. So he probably won’t be able to take Friday off, and I won’t go to Jitterbugs without him by my side.

I’ll update about to the Ya Ya shenanigans when I get back.


Hey, I added that new feature [points below] down yonder so I could hear from you guys. What are ya? Mute?

Let me hear from you. :)


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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

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