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Absence - The state of being away.

Issue Date: Monday, Oct. 13, 2003

Wow. Good Golly Miss Molly, this has been an incredible couple of weeks. Let’s see if I can give you guys an accurate timeline.

9-16-03 Date of last entry and a fantastic girlfriend date with Stacy the Possum Killer later that evening. She is expecting the little munchkin to arrive (yes, she’s preggers) in the next month and a half. I am so excited!

9-17 through 9-20-03 Pack… pack, pack, pack, pack…., pack apartment and stress that it won’t be done in time.

9-20-03 Get call from girlfriend [whilst I am packing] who reveals that she has decided to dabble in Internet porn. That she and her soon to be hubby put up a website of her showing her chi-chi’s to the world and she’s damn proud of it. Make promise to self to show her sons their mommy’s porn site when they are in their thirties [and their mommy’s chi-chi’s are doubling as a belt]. Remember to send said girlfriend notice of this post so she can kick my ass.

9-21-03 While still reeling from news [see above] but trying to deal by application of humor do the following: 1) Move with the help of several people of Latino decent. [Leave just enough crap behind to cause stress for the next two weeks.] 2) Sweat 3) Find hotel for Mister’s parents for the wedding. 4) Watch feet swell incredibly 5) Pick up suit that I had tailored for the wedding … find that Mister likes the flow-y feminine dress my mommy picked out better.

9-22-03 Make vet appointment for Max. Call committee chair & co-chair about site visit trip to San Antonio. Confirm plans, verify times and meeting places. Be continually amazed at how incredible daft I can be to think I can pull off a trip to San Antonio for work the week of my wedding.

9-23-03 Do enough laundry for an army and half way pack for the honeymoon whilst packing for business trip.

9-24-03 Leave for San Antonio… stay in an incredible room… marvel at the perks of my job several times… have dinner with fantastic people… march my happy ass in front of the Alamo for a picture at a quarter to midnight. Watch feet swell incredibly.

9-25-03 Plan convention for 2005… be fabulously witty… fly home. And boy, were my arms tired. Ba dum chhh. Shut up.

9-26-03 Take Maximilliam McGillikitty III to the vet to be de-clawed and boarded while we are on honeymoon. Ok, ok, ok. Yes, it was cruel. Yes, it was probably painful. So I’m a bad kitty’s mommy. I will harbor enough guilt for all of us. You don’t have to help me by adding to it. Wander through the rest of the day in a guilt ridden and anxiety tempered haze. That evening, pick up Mister’s parental units, get them settled, go to IHOO (International House of Omelets) for dinner with them. Sneak away after dinner with huge sigh of relief and cuddle in bed with Mister.

9-27-03 GET MARRIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have the most beautiful ceremony in the middle of a perfect little park. Dappled sunshine, gentle breeze, Mister looking like a frikkin KING! A KING I tell you! I am the most blessed, the Luckiest woman alive. Keep looking at him [while hopping from foot to foot and being eaten alive by all the little chiggers & no-see-ums that lurve them some Suzanna Danna flesh]… thinking… Look at him. Just LOOK at him. He is beautiful. He is kind. He is funny. He is charming. He is thoughtful. He is an incredible lover. He takes care of me and makes me feel safe. And I get to be married to him Forever! Can I get a HELL YEAH!?!?!?
I’m gonna break tense right here & just tell you a little about it… His vows ya’ll. His vows made all the women there cry. After the ceremony we all went to the Crescent Club for our little 9-person reception. We had salmon, we had tenderloin, we had garlic pah-tay-toes, we had asparagus and champagne. We had the most gorgeous cake that my mother got for us and a baroque patterned silver cake knife that she gave to us as a gift to cut the cake. It is engraved with our names and the date of our wedding.
After dinner my parents gave us a suite at the Crescent as a gift. Wow. Holy mackerel. That place is a palace. One room was all hardwood floors and big furniture and the other room was all feather comforters with silk jacquard sheets. The staff left us a note and some chocolate strawberries. Mister and I sat in the huge tub, drank our bottled water, ate our chocolate strawberries and kept saying to one another, “We’re married! Yay!” <--End of tense change

9-28-03 Go to Walgreen’s to get loads of stuff to stop the spread of the nasty cold that has taken over Mister’s lungs and nose over the course of the evening. Drive to Hot Springs, Arkansas!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9-29-03 Get pampered to the nth degree all day. Starting at 10 am we both receive one of each… pedicure, manicure and a facial. MMMMMMMmmmmmmmm pamper-y. That evening go to an amazing restaurant called Coy’s Steak House. Have our own little secluded booth and fantastic service. Out of my favorite champagne? [Because, yes, I am that much of a high maintenance princess] Send the hostess to the package store to pick up a bottle for me. Mister smokes a beautiful Padron cigar and drinks Cognac. He sneezes all the way back to the hotel. I leave my glasses at Coy’s… yay.

9-30-03 Thermal baths, hot packs and one-hour massages. Whee doggies… Nap time! Wander around the shops of the main drag after the nap and a little lovin. Dining and dancing aboard the Belle of Hot Springs. Fun Fun stuff!

10-1-03 Lazy breakfast and a slow trip back to Dallas. Mister sneezing and coughing all the way. Watch feet swell.

10-2-03 Pick up Maxxie, awwwwww, poor baby. Back at work. Yuck. Chiropractor’s appointment. She comments on pitting edema. AKA swollen feet.

10-3-03 Unpack? Nah.

10-4-03 Go to the Improv to see Todd Glass and Mark Eddie, laugh until snorting. Mmmm pretty.

10-5-03 Bribe friend, Tim, with pathetic voice over the phone to come help us move the small HA! pile of stuff from my apartment over to Mister’s garage. Take Tim to dinner for appreciation. Mister sneezes and coughs all during dinner. Poor man. :(

10-6-03 I beg Mister to stay home from work. He is coughing and hacking. I go to work and finish up the magazine. 7k over revenue budget. I rock. Go home, Mister has fixed wonderful meal. Bless his poor little sick heart. I love him so much!

10-7-03 Beg Mister to stay home again, or at least go to the doctor. He goes to our G.P..
Mister is diagnosed with upper respiratory infection and acute (not as in awwww… how cute) sinusitis. Poor baby! G.P. demands that Mister stay home one more day.

10-8-03 Work, work, work, work. I arrive home to a yummy baked chicken from the kitchen of poor Mister. Awwww.

10-9-03 Mister goes back to work and gets hell. Doesn’t get home until 7:30 or so. I go to the chiropractor and she comments again on the swollen feet. Makes me promise to make an appointment with my G.P., I concede. At 8:00 pm, Mister says, “Ow.” For the next hour he tries to get comfortable to no avail. We call Co-worker C and she goes through the, “If you have appendicitis it feels like this…” list. At 9:30 p.m. I load Mister up into the car and take him to the Emergency Room. At 11:25 p.m. they triage him, the nurse not even listening to the answers of the questions she has asked. Skinny, bitter bitch. 45 minutes later they admit him and a nurse that we affectionately name Gunny [because of the head bobbing, yes, it is mean, no, we don’t care] puts an IV into Mister and draws 948562875601846 vials of blood.

10-10-03 At 2:45 a.m. they take MY Mister for a CAT scan. A friggin CAT scan. Do I like hospitals? No. Do I trust these people with my man? Hell no. He comes back to the ER and they leave him until the ass crack of dawn at which time they draw more blood. At 9 a.m. Dr. West arrives and announces that he’d like to go ahead and take out Mister’s appendix. Whee. At 2 o’clock I am standing over my big, beautiful man in the surgery ready room. He has been prone on a gurney for almost 24 hours. He has not eaten, he has barely slept. I was NOT happy. My eyes felt like if they got any wider that they would *POP* right out of my skull. The anesthesiologist is standing there telling me all the things that could go wrong with the surgery, with the gasses and medications. This was Not an episode of ‘Scrubs’, I could not see a wise cracking Bambi anywhere. I felt myself drifting, not even connected to the real world once Mister put his wedding ring on my hand, I kissed him and tried to smile…and they rolled him away. At 3:30 p.m. Dr. West comes to tell me that everything is ok. That they are waking him up now. That he is glad that he went in there and took out the appendix, “because it was beginning to look angry.”

10-11-03 After being catheterized three times in a 24-hour period, Mister is miserable and sore. He is such a beautiful creature to me. I hate seeing him drugged. It is almost like watching a lion get tranquilized. I can’t stand it. His discomfort makes me crazy, I want to scream and lash out at the RN’s and LVN’s for not taking personal interest in Mister. For not coming for an hour to help him relieve his bladder. That is just cruel. At 7:30 p.m. I break him out of there…. After he shows them he can pee by himself. We get home and I drag his 6’5”ass up the stairs and gently lay him in our marriage bed.

10-12-03 Sleep until 9 am after getting up a couple of times during the night. Lay around all day. Make turkey sammiches for Mister and bring him root beer. Happy to have him home.

10-13-03 Yep. I’m at work.

More later ya’ll.

I hope this explains a lot.

Let me hear from ya!


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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

The Graphic Below Courtesy of Papernapkin.

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