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I got nothin.

Issue Date: Tuesday, Mar. 09, 2004

While driving to dinner Saturday night Mister commented on my nails, as I have recently stopped with the acrylic nails madness and have let them grow out naturally. He said, “Your nails look beautiful.” To which I replied, “Why thank you my love.”

But I was thinking, like the 31 year old movie tool that I am, “Watch it you ham fisted cow.” As in what Julian says to his manicurist in the movie Bridget Jones’s Diary. But those of you who have the DVD know that he doesn’t say cow in the DVD release. He calls her a bitch with a capital C.

Such an eloquent gentleman.

Then I made a connection that cracked up only me while I tried to explain to Mister the workings of my tarded mind and why on earth was I giggling madly.

Julian who is positively orange in the movie due to improper tanning products came out of my mouth as Julius. I couldn’t keep from giggling while thinking ‘Orange Julius!’ ‘Orange Julius!’ ‘Orange Julius!’ ‘Orange Julius!’ tee hee hee ‘Orange Julius!’ ‘Orange Julius!’ ‘Orange Julius!’ [pause….breath] HE’S ORANGE!

Later on in the weekend on the way home from church I turned to Mister while we were at a stop light and asked him to guess how I got from the Jeep in front of us to the classic “That dawg would bite chew!” Lewis Grizzard joke*.

Mister, the poor man, looked at me with the most exhausted expression I have ever seen and said, “Baby, I seriously have no idea.”

I think I’m wearing him out with my ricochet rabbit stream of consciousness type of speech patterns.

*Ok, so.. the joke: “It used to be common practice for UGA (pronounced Ugh-ah), the University of Georgia Bulldogs mascot, to lead the football team onto the field before home games. One year, the dog decided to stop on the fifty-yard line and lick his private parts as he made his way across the field. Two "good ol' boys" (euphemism for "rednecks") were up in the stands and one said to the other, "Ya know, I wish I could do that." To which the other replied, "that dog would bite you!!!!...."

Annnnyway, I have decided that I have a humongous girl crush on Norah Jones. Yes, I know this is not the first mention of said girl crush, but alas, I have yet to have a Norah humping dream and I wish to correct that erroneous conclusion.

So… yeah, I got nothin’.

I know, tens of readers will be aghast to find that I am completely tapped when it comes to writing.

If you have something, by all means, share…

More later… if I can think of anything witty. If not, I’ll just post my usual rubbish.


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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

The Graphic Below Courtesy of Papernapkin.

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