Princess of Irony

Baz Luhrmann is so going to kick my ass.

Issue Date: Wednesday, Mar. 24, 2004

So, yeah� my skin.

It�s not so much the tangerine explosion of bad 80�s reruns like I thought it was going to be. I fully expected to wake up this morning with orange skin and a humongous urge to Sun-In� my hair just so and to wear shimmer shell lipstick by Cover Girl and that blue eyeliner with glitter.

That would have been hot.

I could have called my girlfriends and left messages about how cute John was and squeal indignation with Stephanie over the fact that Tate P. asked her during lunch for a sample of her pubes because he needed to make sure that the carpet matched the drapes.

I could have then filled up the gas tank in my 1980 red Mustang for $5.00, smoked a pack of Marlboro Lights and then pulled the front and sides of my hair up into a pseudo-do because the bangs are too long.

Wait� I did that this morning. The hair thing� yeah. Because I�m sexy that way.

But seriously, the airbrush tanning thingy was a success. I am now a golden hue, reminiscent of drunken afternoons in the sun at Lake Nacogdoches. The only things missing now are my hipbones and my complete and utter lack of responsibility. Go me.

I sorta like the color my skin is today. Not to mention, it was easy, inexpensive and not even slightly uncomfortable. I am sure I will be making another appointment sometime in the future.

I totally forgot to add the best part of the Just Us trip yesterday.

Saturday night, after the lovely spa day (with sprinkles!), Mister and Jeff are taking all of us to see La Nouba.

Click on it. Watch the clip.

Seriously, do it.

For those of you playing the home game, you will remember (or maybe not) that I was totally enthralled with O when I saw it in June of 2002. Then last year Mister and I saw a spin off of a Cirque du Soleil show in Boloxi called um. Shit, I still can�t remember the name of that damn show.

�.. Balagan!

Yeah� Balagan. My report on it was here. Click on that one LuLu, it is probably one you haven�t read.

I also saw Mystere at Treasure Island last June in Vegas, with my girlfriend, it was wonderful. I am Cirque du Soleil�s bitch.

Anyway, I am so excited to see La Nouba on Saturday. The Cirque du Soleil troop is amazing in their timing, athleticism, grace, beauty and sheer talent. I really would have run away with them if given the chance when I was younger.

You too?

This afternoon I take Max the Wonder Cat to the boarder�s for the weekend. He knows it is coming. I just know he does. He bit me on the ankle while I was cooking dinner last night.

See? Preemptive biting. He�s a mind reader, I swear.

It�s either that, or he thinks his new collar makes him look gay.

I�m sure they will take wonderfully good care of my baby for the weekend. This is the same place that my family used to take our cat, Lucy. She was there so often that she had the run of the office while she was boarding.

I don�t think Max will demand the same �Queen of the Office� respect that Lucy did. He�s a bit of a wiener, and they have dogs loose in the office now.

I just got off the phone with Mister. I alerted him to several things.

1) Don�t forget, I am taking Max to the boarder�s tonight after work.

2) My pretty French manicure is chipping� eh. I painted clear polish over what�s left so maybe it will halt the chipping.

3) I am going to run by Kohl�s after I drop off Max to see if they have any jean shorts that I like� for our trip. I found some online that are like $16 bucks!

His response to the above three nuggets of information was less than ecstatic. For one, he thought I was taking Max to the boarder�s before work.

For two, awww� sorry about your fingernails. [Ladies, I ask you, doesn�t this sympathy for the ruined manicure just make you want to lick his face?� Yeah, me too.]

And for three, [Please step away from the poor grammar� nothing to see here.] he replied, �Now, don�t go hog wild�� I blinked several times to make sure that his admonitions sunk in to my head.

Hog wild over $16 dollars� the eff?

Yeah, apparently I have a problem. It is a very serious disorder that affects millions of women and a few swishy men. It is called, �Oooh� Lookee Here! Something Pretty and Shiny That May Make Me Feel Gorgeous! [pause] Let�s BUY It!�

Yes, sadly friends, being stricken with OLHSPASTMMMFGLBI can have many off-shoots, secondary afflictions such as �I Must Buy These Products From Aveda�, known as IMBTPFA and the most painful, �Oh Crap, I Can�t Believe I Spent That Much Cash, My Husband Is Going To Kill Me.!� Also known as OCICBISTMCMHIGTKM.

The secondary affliction of OCICBISTMCMHIGTKM is the one I suffer from most often.

I would have balked at the idea that I am that woman several years ago. I am just coming to the realization that it is ok and even mildly amusing to be that woman sometimes.

My life is a celebration of Shoes, Jewelry and Products�. But above all things Make Up.

Oh, Baz Luhrmann is so going to kick my ass.

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