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It's 2:30 p.m. and I haven't vomited yet.

Issue Date: Tuesday, Sept. 12, 2006

Ya’ll? I do not have the sense that God gave a box of hair.

Let’s look at my day in slo-mo, shall we?

Get up early, shower, dress, make up, hair… blah blah blah.

Take the dog out approximately eighteen (ok, three) times before I leave for work.

Grab a muffin for breakfast and a salad from Wendy’s out of the refrigerator to take to the office for lunch.

Stop by my chiropractors office twice in as many days to get an adjustment… cry during adjustment… feel like an idiot… take the handfuls of bio freeze and promise to come back tomorrow.

Get to the office… eat a muffin, turn in a project and then work, work, work.

I can barely turn my head in either direction. I feel like Joan Cusak as Geek Girl #1 in Sixteen Candles… just without the retainer, headgear and back brace. A scene that is burned into my memory is of her trying to get a drink of water from the water fountain without being able to bend at the waist or move her neck. Hi. That is me today, just without accessories.

Work, work , work some more. Go into the kitchen at lunch to retrieve salad from refrigerator. Hmmm… when did I buy this salad? Open salad. Look questioningly at salad enough that manager from another department offers to smell my salad for me.

I let her.

Smells ok, good even. Put dressing and various crunchy bits on salad.


Clean up desk and throw all trash into Wendy’s bag before throwing it in the trash.

Find receipt.

Receipt says 9/6/06.

Oh. My. God.

Send text message to Mister saying the following: “Hi, my name is Susan, I have Botulism and Salmonella.”

Now, ya’ll. I am sure, SURE that Wendy’s uses enough preservatives in their food to keep Joan Collins looking fresh as a daisy… but DAMN. Six days, SIX(!).

This does not bode well for my Mensa application.


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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

The Graphic Below Courtesy of Papernapkin.

My Amazon Wish List.

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