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Issue Date: Monday, Jan. 30, 2006

John Mayer comes up frequently on Herschel. Herschel is my iPod for those of you who are new. I don’t know why I am so drawn to his music. Maybe it is that we followed part of the same life trail with both of us being born in Connecticut and then cutting our teeth in Georgia. Maybe it is that he writes about everyday, ‘everyone can relate to this’ stuff. Maybe it is that it is so soothing to hear a quiet guitar rift build into a rhythm that takes a song to a new key. Maybe it is; just like almost every woman in the history of ever; I want that song… just one… to be about me.

Content to be a background sort of girl as I grew up.

I never took on the role of something that I had to carry alone. Something that the success or failure of rested squarely on my shoulders. I guess you could say that I have been chicken. I’ve played the clown, the seductress, the smart girl, the good girl and the cruise director in equal parts but never each for long.

Gopher, please meet me on the lido deck.

Hiding behind being busy or taking on too many projects so that I have an excuse when I become spread thin… I had such great plans, such a fantastic strategy for how I was going to grow up and all of the wonderful things that I was going to accomplish.

Move to New York at 18 and wow them at the School of American Ballet. They would call me George Balanchine’s muse. Regardless of the fact that he died when I was 11. Live in a fabulous loft and live the life of a gorgeous dancer with beautiful feet*. Goal met? Uh, no.

Work up the nerve to try out for the solo in every recital known to our school district. Open mouth during tryouts and sing with an easy high sweet melody that is a bit raspy and breathy like a mix of Bonnie Raitt and Allison Krause. Watch as choir director wipes tears of joy and amazement from eyes and accept flowers from my accompanist. Goal met?
Self: Hi tune… this is a bucket.
Tune: Yo, what’s up bucket?
Self: Tune, please, oh please get in the bucket so that I may carry you.
Tune: I would have to say hell to the no.

Poof, I am sexy in denim mini skirts and little knit halter tops with big hair and attend countless rock concerts with friends. The band always notices me, usually the drummer of course. The drummer flings his sweaty hair back and turns to his camera man; who is filming the show for a video on MTV; “Hey man, see that little girl with the green eyes and a very flat rack?” He points a drum stick in my direction. “I want her in the shot. Make sure you get her shaking that sizable ass.” Goal met? “Mom? Can I go see Journey with my buddies when they come this year?” “Oh Susan, you are too young for concerts. Here, we’ll take you to this McDonald’s benefit to see Barry Manilow.” “shit” “What is that Susan?” “I said ‘thanks’ and can I go next year?” “Of course.” Yeah, um… Journey broke up before next year came. And my mother would let me go see Motley Crue… over her dead and tattered body.

I’ve been comfortable to just float along. Go where I was wanted and do as little to draw attention to myself as I could.

But I always wanted to be the one the musician wrote a song about. I wanted to be that “Roseanna” or that “Mandy” (watch the Manilow digs ya’ll… he’s a saint). I wanted to be that “Brandy” or the Sara in “Sara Smiles”. But alas, my beauty, my charm or my wit were not meant to be immortalized in the strains of anything but, Susan, Susan, Bo Boozan, Banana Fanna Fo Foozan… SOOZAN!

I found this fun little quiz over at Anne’s. And it is a good thing too, I am not sure I could have moved forward without knowing what superhero I am most like. Personally I thought it would be Gambit because of my alluring red eyes, kinetic ability and that most people refer to me as “the white devil”, but alas…

Your results:
You are Spider-Man
Green Lantern
Iron Man
Wonder Woman
The Flash
You are intelligent, witty,
a bit geeky and have great
power and responsibility.
Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

These results are funny (well, maybe only to me…) Mister and I were pretending to shoot a web from our hands at lunch today, and Mister actually said, “My Spidey senses were right!”

Update: Mister just took the quiz and he is…. Batman. Heh.

*Dancer’s feet look like someone took a bag of hammers to them.


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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

The Graphic Below Courtesy of Papernapkin.

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