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That was a special treat just for me.

Issue Date: Friday, Dec. 30, 2005

This Christmas season has been full. Full of joyous occasions of being with family, candlelit services filled with the sweet and harmonious sounds of children singing “Happy Birthday Jesus”, great times cooking enormahuge Smithfield hams and opening presents with the ones I love dearly, and nights and daytimes threaded with bouts of vomiting and diarrhea.

Joyful, joyful we adore thee, God of glory, Lord of love;… ::blink:: what? Oh, the vomiting and diarrhea?

Yeah, that was a special treat just for me, hidden deep in my stocking… the gift that keeps on giving. An intestinal or gastrointestinal siege of terrifying proportions.

Christmas night at my parents’ house I got up at a little after midnight and, “Ut oh.” I was up all night ya’ll. Merry ChristmaUUUUUaaaaahhhhgggggg-GGrghhha!

I think I may have even seen my spleen.

Monday afternoon was more of the same. Did I mention that my folks live oh, a good two and a half hours away? Three or four with Christmas traffic.

Siiiilent niiiiight, hooooly niURRRRGGahhhhhh-Huuuah-t.

I had my first solid food… a banana… on Wednesday afternoon. It’s what? Friday? And yes I am still on the BRAT diet… bananas (B-A-N-A-N-A-S this shit is bananas), rice, applesauce and toast.

Judas Priest.


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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

The Graphic Below Courtesy of Papernapkin.

My Amazon Wish List.

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