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Ya’ll know I love zombies.

Issue Date: Monday, Jan. 09, 2006

The lovely Francesa has tagged me with the following meme, and since she is so quiet and also going through law school… I must comply or suffer the consequences (of not being cool).

Seven Things To Do Before I Die:
1. Own a muscle car.
2. Swim with a whale shark.
3. Get in shape.
4. Surprise my husband with a completely planned trip abroad.
5. Get teeth fixed. (They are straight but with a small gap in the front and they are not blindingly white.)
6. Buy or do something incredibly lavish (just for me) and not feel guilty.
7. Share some of my writing with my parents (do not self edit).

Seven Things I Can't Do:
1. Write grammatically correctly.
2. Stop dreaming of myself smoking (while amazingly thin).
3. Not call people on my way home from work.
4. Get rid of or pass on the first piece of nice clothing a boy/man bought for me.
5. Not notice jewelry/animals/make up.
6. Not want to hug and kiss close friends, family and various old men.
7. Talk to my cat like he is a cat as opposed to a furry little person who doesn’t pay taxes.

Seven Things That Attracted Me To Blogging:
1. Internet Voyeurism (and not in a creepy peeping Tom sort of way).
2. I am nosy.
3. Great way to pass the time at a horrible job (previous job, that was… horrible).
4. Narcissism.
5. It spoke to my love for dramatic story telling and whether not I could come across in writing as I do in person.
6. Posterity. I never know when I’m going to develop Alzheimer’s and forget some of the juicy stuff.
7. It filled up the spot that was empty when I stopped chatting on IRC.

Seven Things I Say Most Often:
1. Holy Shit!
2. I dreamt about zombies again…
3. Heeyyyyyy….. there.
4. Susan speaking… (I hate answering the phone at work.)
5. That? Would be awesome.
6. (Lately, because of this commercial…)
Me: [questioningly] Hells yeah?
Also Me: [convincingly] Hells yeah.
7. Want some hand lotion?

Seven Books That I Love:
1. The Bone Collector
2. Cider House Rules
3. Harry Potter books… just finished the first three
4. Headhunter
5. IT
6. Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
7. Elizabeth Lowell smut. Any of it… that and Patricia Cornwell’s earlier novels.

Seven Movies I Watch Again and Again:
1. Fifth Element
2. Blade Runner
3. The Sweetest Thing
4. Cruel Intentions
5. Story of Us
6. Queen - Live at Wembley Stadium (1992)
7. Fletch

I will not tag the seven (or five) people required. If you want to play along, let me know in the comments. Of course, I’ll want to come over and take a peek at your Seven’s.

Oh, dude. The movie Seven? I should have included that one in the seven that I named. How ironic. Or not… Alannis?

Saturday night Mister and I watched Deuce Bigelow in Eurasia or something. Whatever the name was… it was the second of the two Deuce Bigelow movies and I? Was not impressed. It was the unrated version and quite a train wreck.

The only outburst was not from a bark of laughter or anything quite as merry. It was the verbal equivalent of, “Dude, that? That right there? Is wrong.” As we watched a woman with a male member for a schnozz sneeze jizz all over people at a restaurant.

See, I have one OCD thing (well, one that we will discuss today) where I have to watch a movie that has been rented or I will feel like I am wasting money. “But Suz,” you say, “what about time? Time is money after all, is it not?” And I would reply back to you… yes, of course, you are right. But. I? I rented this piece of shite. It was a conscious decision. I must watch it to punish myself for thinking this could be even slightly entertaining.

And then, about 3/4th the way through the movie I realized an even more preposterous error. I had seen the last part of the movie already. The Horror!

Okay, I have seen the movie before, and Mister is clearly not amused. Do I fess up and tell my darling partner in matrimony that I have already seen the end of the movie? Oh, hell to the no. We watched the whole thing and then scrounged through the bonus features to see if there was anything of merit. Nope. Nothing there either.

So all of this fails to answer why in the hell I had yet another dream about zombies that night.

Everything about the dreams (as there were multiples) was visceral and genuine, lifelike and heart-poundingly terrifying. I would wake up from one segment of the nightmare and turn over only to be plunged back in as soon as I fell asleep.

I must describe a bit that is still sitting in the forefront of my brain. I almost have to look through the images to do my normal daily routines. Maybe if I put the images on paper, share if you will… then they will go away.

Ya’ll know I love zombies. Hell, look at all of the journal entries dedicated to this zombie movie or that. All? Um, ok maybe just the one… this one right here.

Anyway, to get back to the crux of it… It was getting dark and I had to run from one city (couldn’t see it as it was behind me) to another and the only way to get to said city was to run along this road that was completely deserted, no buildings, no tanks or anything with heavy gun fire that could help. This huge city was before me but it never got any closer. It was like running from AssCrack, Kansas into the shining and huge city of Dallas or um…. Denver. Definitely something with a D.

There were zombies ahead of me and behind me. I am not sure the trick for not getting bitten (that is how they turned you into one of them… maybe I was confused with vampires?... who knows.) but I was successful so far.

I was running companionably along with an older blonde woman who was very thin. She stopped me and said, “Honey, I think you need to take this, Now GO.” She shoved a gasoline can into my hand. It was full and very heavy. I looked back up at her face and I could see that her eyes were changing. She looked miserable and I turned and took off towards the city once more.

[wake up – turn over]

I was still running along the road. I would misstep every once in a while and the gas can would bump into my hip making me miss my stride. It was these times that the zombies would take notice of me and my unchanged state. I would hear the frustrated howl of the ones on the side of the road that I just passed and the understanding reply coming from the ones headed out of the city and coming my way.

[wake up – turn over]

I gathered the twelve or so people that were healthy and running towards the city and I pointed at the mass of zombies coming toward us. We quickly constructed a trap made of hay bales in an open S shape and I found some doors and attached handles to one side so I, and my uh, team(?) could use them as barrier while I corralled the zombies into the S shaped trap.

The plan was this. When they came towards us with their arms outstretched, to push and shove them into either side of the open S. Once they were all trapped and we were safe with our door-shields, I would light a match and catch the gasoline soaked (from my gas can) hay on fire and kill all of the undead.

Oh, shit… they are already dead.

[wake up – turn over]

They kept coming. We kept corralling them into the S and I finally lit the fire and jumped over a cattle gate and hid behind a fence post.

[wake up – turn over]

In a house… why aren’t these people using their door-shields? I crawled under mine and hid in a corner.

[wake up – turn over]

Still under my door in the corner. Really want to brush my teeth.

And the alarm goes off for Mister and I to go to church.


And last night was not any more restful.

I WILL beat this not sleeping thing. I can not tell ya’ll how wonderfully I slept for the first year or so when I moved back to Dallas (and got a divorce). I even slept wonderfully when Mister and I started sharing a bed.

But now? Yeah, not so much.

Also… this has nothing to do with anything that I have mentioned before BUT… I just got this necklace from this very talented lady, Gina O’Flynn … and it is absolutely Georgous! Hello, signature piece! How you doin?

I am so preening in the mirror at this very moment. Oh, ya’ll KNOW.

It is National Delurking Week, courtesy of the lovely Papernapkin. Please let me know if you are out there by leaving a little comment in the space below. Requests, comments and criticisms are all taken. Thank you!

Oh, and Debra Jean has a new picture over at the Cheese Club. Follow the link below to go see… or to submit one yourself


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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

The Graphic Below Courtesy of Papernapkin.

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