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Don’t come back without two sleeves of Saltines.

Issue Date: Wednesday, Jan. 19, 2005

I know, I know.

I’m not supposed to talk about my dreams.

But hey, when you are having nighttime dalliances with Frank Caliendo and then he kicks you out of his bungalow and says, “Don’t come back without two sleeves of Saltines for my beta fish.” It must be documented!

And I got all upset about the rejection and then how to tell my husband about my affair with fish boy… I was still upset about it when I woke up.

The first thing Mister heard out of my mouth this morning was, “Baby baby, I’m so sorry, sorry, sorry I had hot monkey love with Frank Caliendo [breathe] but he kicked me out to find Saltines for his stupid fish! [hitched breath] I’m so sorry baby!”


Well, good morning drama queen, sheesh.

Just try not to type it out in a word document over lunch to put in your journal.

Sorry ya’ll. Really.

This has got to be the result of the interview questions from yesterday and TheOtherChad asking if women really love men for their senses of humor and not for their hot man bodies.

It has to be.

Because Frank Caliendo is no bigger than a chickpea… but hysterical.

And cute… just in a, “Holy crap, he really can look just like John Madden!” sort of way.

No clue where the beta fish came into play.



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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

The Graphic Below Courtesy of Papernapkin.

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