Princess of Irony

�Get your facts straight before you complain.�

Issue Date: Tuesday, Aug. 29, 2006

Ya�ll know I am crazy right? Oh, ya�ll know.

Ya�ll also know that I could handle a catastrophic event with strength and grace and I am usually fairly pleasant� but, BUT, if someone is rude or fails to do what they say they are going to do� in writing*, I basically lose my shit.

*For example: Say you are a convention center or a large hotel property and you tell a group that they are your first priority when they come to spend thousands and thousands of dollars at your venue and pay $3.75 (+ tax + service charge) for every freaking can of CoCola and all they want is a little attention from the service staff. Then, let�s say that you give someone a direct date to send all the materials for the conference/convention/seminar/whatever that the person is having. Then, oh, just for fun, let�s say that you fail to tell your security guard to expect said materials and the freaking security guard sends your materials away, back to UPS never never land, never to be seen again, unless you rent a freaking Suburban and have someone go GET said materials. Seriously. This all happened two years ago at the San Antonio Convention Center� This kind of shit right here? This is the kind of shit that will make me carnival psycho crazy.

Oh, and also? When people are mean and back stabby and rude.

I seriously hope that I do not get fired for this post ya�ll. And since I have never mentioned my work place (love you work place!) by name then maybe I won�t get the boot.

Let�s just put all of this hypothetically shall we?

(Gah, just want to scream! So, so mad.)

Say, for instance that you have an IT department at your workplace. Everyone is fairly nice and stable. And let�s say that your director ordered a new laptop last year� oh, in say� November. Let�s also just guess that this new laptop was supposed to be for you and your team to order wireless service when you travel so you can register people onsite, work on your reconciliation and basically be efficient.

Not for� oh, just the purpose of printing out labels.

Let�s be crazy and suppose that the laptop won�t connect to the system. Ever. Let�s also be sort of wild and extreme and say that you, yourself have documented over nine conferences where the laptop would not connect to the system. Let�s also go out on a limb and say that you received a full day�s help from the audio/visual/tech departments on more than one occasion and they couldn�t figure it out.

Maybe you also dream of coding those charges to the IT department until they get the laptops all squared away.

Maybe you took the laptops home and could log on�. For seven minutes and then the system would kick you off. But you could log on from your husband�s system and stay there all freaking day.

No problems with surfing the web so no problems with the wireless systems. Just problems with logging into your system.

Just as a crazy girl may do, let�s just speculate that you called your IT Technology Support Specialist and gave him the information that you had gathered one morning while at a conference and maybe, just maybe you heard this coming back from the other end of the phone, �Get your facts straight before you complain.�

Let�s say that you didn�t jump on a plane, abandoning your attendees and your coworker to go strangle the support specialist and instead you handed off the phone to the in-house tech guy at the hotel.

Let�s also dream and maybe hallucinate that your director can not work her voicemail with the six pages of instructions to work the phone system so she asks you to change her voicemail while she is gone attending to her father�s funeral. Suspend reality and just go with the notion that you probably took care of this for her.

You may have also been thanked profusely for doing this. And when hearing on how you can actually change your own voicemail, maybe other members of your team ask you how do work this voodoo that you do. You might just help a few bothers and sisters out. Maybe.

Perhaps you were in San Antonio last week. Let�s also say that you have given up on calling IT about your laptop issues and that you actually called the Data Ops Manager of the venue you were planning on going to last week, you gave him your metaframe website and your password, login and network information. Maybe he got in, maybe� well, let�s just suspend disbelief and guess that he got in just fine from his system. (HE DID.) And that while you were in San Antonio that you took your laptop, and your director�s laptop and neither one was able to log in� Except from 7:08 am until 7:15 am on the first day. Then the system kicked your ass out and never let you back in the whole time you were there.

Following me?

Good.

Now� let�s just propose that you are sitting at your desk today after being blackballed from the IT department for your documentation of the laptop issues and you hear that your coworker�s voicemail is not working. You also hear someone from IT go to said coworker�s desk and the following conversation takes place.

CoWorker: My voicemail is all jacked up.
IT lady: What did you do to it?
CoWorker: Nothing.
IT lady: You mean you didn�t get all in the system like Susan because she is CURIOUS?!

The word �curious� was said with total venom.

I did not touch my coworker�s voicemail, nor have I messed with the set up or anything database-y with the laptops, but yet I am now considered Public Enemy Number One with the IT group.

Oh My God. I am so angry.

I let my boss know just so he wouldn�t be surprised if I got all stabby on someone. And of course he won�t do anything. If he were any more laid back, he�d be dead. And my director won�t say anything to the IT director because the IT director is all defensive and protective of his team.

I told my director yesterday that our new laptop and her laptop are all well and good within the building and inside our wireless network, but outside it� they are just expensive label makers.

Coworker is now calling me Curious George.

Gah.

[Deep breath�. DEEEEEP breath.]

Happy thoughts.

Mister loves his job and the dog threw up on me yesterday morning.

That is all.

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