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Did you guys see my little tangerine turtle?

Issue Date: Thursday, Mar. 31, 2005

For date night last night Mister and I dressed in our best. He in a beautiful Armani suit with a silk shirt and a monochromatic tie and me in a gorgeous and fitted sheath from Badgley Mischka.

A driver picked us up from the house in a town car and rushed us to Nana’s at the top of the Wyndham Anatole Hotel.

The night was beautiful and a little bit windy.

We had succulent shrimp cocktails for appetizers and some incredibly fresh fruit and our entrée was an amazingly large Maine lobster that we shared as we drank Stoli for me and cask-strength scotch for him until late into the night.

Not really.

We really just went to Weinerschnitzel and had $.25 cent hotdogs then went to the dollar movie theater to see The Life Aquatic with Bill Murray and Owen Wilson. Mister and I talked to each other and the movie quietly a few times while some asshole (across the theater from us who answered his phone loudly over and over)… and his rude ass had the balls to tell us to shut up?

Mister eloquently replied, “Bite me.”

It was beautiful. I wish Mister would have tacked on the word “sir” to the end of that “bite me”.

That tiny little Hispanic man was all het up about something and I’m sure that it wasn’t Mister saying, “He’s what?” (referring to the movie) quietly to me while the other 11 people in the theater were hooting loudly.

‘Shut up’ guy was on the phone blocking one of the entrances when Mister and I showed up and he kept answering his phone and leaving the theater to talk loudly in the vestibule thingy. I barely kept Mister from sneaking over and sitting in ‘shut up’ guy’s seat.

'Shut up' guy was (wisely) gone before we got out of the theater.

Not that Mister is a big beat ‘em up type of dude, not at all, he’s very peaceful. He just doesn’t take kindly to people being rude for no reason. Especially when ‘shut up’ guy was being very disruptive with the whole multiple answerings of his phone and his many comings and goings of the theater.

But overall, the movie was great and date night was still a success! :)

Did you guys see my little tangerine turtle?

Look below. Go on. I’ll wait.

Oh… I almost forgot. I have the most incredible urge to smoke right now. It is seriously killing me. The other night, Monday I think, Mister went to the store around 9 pm. I was sitting on the couch with the cat waiting for my latest tv crack (Medium isn’t that shit the best? I just Love that show.) to come on and I picked up the phone to call Mister. I was going to say to him, “Hey baby, while you’re out… will you pick up a pack of smokes for me?” Like it was the most natural thing in the world. Like I didn’t quit a frillion years ago (shut up, it will be ONE stinking year on May 7th). Like it wasn’t a freakin bitch to stop cold turkey and like I don’t still dream of myself all skinny with a smoke in my fingers every night.


On the smoking thing… ok, so it’s totally not related… my sibling called me a while ago and this conversation took place:
Me: Hey…
Her: Hey…
Me: Whatcha doin?
Her: I’m on my way to have the baby right now.
Me: [shitting in my pants] Holy CRAP! Ok.. I’m on my-
Her: I’m totally kidding… [laughing heartily]
Me: Freak.

More later.


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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

The Graphic Below Courtesy of Papernapkin.

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