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Yeah, I’m the kid on the right that looks like a young boy.

Issue Date: Thursday, Jul. 29, 2004

I’ve been gone, babies. Did you miss me?

Wait a sec, don’t answer that… especially if the answer is no.

I was in San Antonio for a conference and I should be beaten about the head and shoulders repeatedly for not calling Trixie and her brood to come downtown to see me. I should have kissed and loved on her children (since I basically pulled the first one out of her body) and bumped bellies with her loving husband. But alas, I logged over 39 working hours by 7:30 pm Tuesday night.

My butt is draggin.

Oh, yeah… I have a question. San Antonio people, do you guys (or your restaurants… particularly the ones on the riverwalk… a place that rhymes with Café Ole’) believe in carbonation? My coworker and I set out for dinner on the riverwalk Sunday night. We were looking forward to a bit of Stoli, diet Coke (for her) and tonic (for me).

Service was crappy… albeit a bit surly… and the drinks were flat and altogether awful.

What gives aye? We even asked for just a regular diet Coke with ice to maybe “help” out the “situation” with my coworker’s first drink [read: flat and watery with a nasty sludge of warm Stoli at the bottom… Stoli should NEVER be warm]. The waitress was all exasperated that we would order something so incredibly complicated as a diet Coke with ice.

The evening was saved when we crossed over a bridge to the other side of the river to have a taste of ice cream at The Bestest Ice Cream Parlor Ever to Open It’s Doors to the Public! Really, not kidding here. If you guys are ever in San Antonio… I am going to go ahead and give you each a directive to find this treasure (Yay! Justin’s Ice Cream Parlor!), and have a taste. He’ll even give you unlimited free samples.

And… he’s cute.

Well, there was one dude there, sorta Italian looking in a cute and boneless sorta way. Tall and sinewy. All smiles and shoulders. I am assuming that he is Justin. And even if he’s not, he provided great service and a very cute smile.

Ok, I just searched Google for a pic of the real Justin, and apparently the dude that served us is not he.

He was still cute.

Seamless segue number 1:

Have you guys seen Man On Fire?

Hi, tear jerking, heart ripping, cheer inducing film of wonder. How you doin? Thanks for making my husband talk to you throughout the whole blasted movie. Thanks for being so good that on a Friday at a dollar theater the only seats left were in the third row from the front… with my neck jacked to Georgia… I still enjoyed you.

Thank you for so engrossing me that even in such uncomfortable seats I was so happy to see the ending play out like it did.

Seamless segue number 2:

And … Also? Starsky and Hutch? Yeah, not so much.

Mister and I rented that little gem from Blockbuster last night. Not sure if my sense of humor is sprained or something but I did not even smile once. We even turned the movie off after Starsky’s little dance with cocaine.

So yeah, I saw the dance off and everything.

It is sad when you look forward to the perkiness and quick wit of Snoop Dog to save a film.

Snarkiness? Table for one please.

Seamless segue number 3:

While I was trying to explain to you in the above paragraph that my sense of humor has been injured or something this came out… “from my blatant slaughtering of punctuation laws and grammar standards”.

First of all, that is such poor sentence structure that my 10th grade English teacher is probably rolling over in her ill-fitting Donna Karan knock off.

And B… that had nothing to do with humor at all. It was just a misplaced tangent. It wasn’t even necessary. You cats are all too familiar with my butchering of the English language already.

PS.. Donna Karan. Love your stuff honey, call me.

Oh, and this.

I am not even going to edit this to block out the eyes of the cute boys. I am not going to change the names to protect the innocent either because yeah, these cute boys? I was takin them to a strip club. Innocent my ass.

Hey Stacey? Does someone look familiar?


Oh, and yeah. I don’t look a damn thing like this anymore. I don’t have the enormahuge hair, or the pretty little collarbone anymore. Shit people, this picture was taken 12 years and about 100 pounds ago.

I miss my collarbone.

I weep for it.

One more thing, that picture in the background of my sister and myself??? Yeah, I’m the kid on the right that looks like a young boy.



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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

The Graphic Below Courtesy of Papernapkin.

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