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It has ceased to be!

Issue Date: Friday, Nov. 03, 2006

I have like thirty minutes then I am off for a glorious weekend of nothing. Not a thing, No-Thing. I think I will watch last night’s episodes of “Ugly Betty” and “Grey’s Anatomy” and maybe even eat a little left over Halloween candy.

Guess who put a little Halloween themed bandana the size of a handy wipe around her puppy’s neck for Tuesday’s Trick and/or Treaters? Me. That is who. (That dog is not going anywhere. Oh, hell to the no.)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not going to be one of those who dresses up the “baby” in little cop, Indian, construction worker or Navy seamen outfits. He is not a member of the Village people, although he would look awesome with that cowboy’s mustache. I’m just sayin that a little bandana action was in order. And the awwwwww’s of the three year old ballerinas (plural… ballerini?) at my door was totally worth it.

All in all I totally dug Halloween. I am a big honking dork who wore a headband with tiger ears (cat ears? Whatever.) on my head. To Work. And then I forgot about them when I stopped at the local grocery store on my way home from the office. The wide berths that people gave me in the isles and the sideways glances from the deli counter worker should have tipped me off that something was amiss. But did I even realize that I had cat/tiger ears on? Oh, and a pencil stuck in my hair? Nope. Because that is how alert to my surroundings and my own body that I am. 100% on, baby.

Flawless segue number one.

I got a new ride. The hoopty has given up the ghost*, died, gone to meet the Mercury maker in the sky Kansas?

*Which always makes me think of this: “It's not pinin', it's passed on! This parrot is no more! It has ceased to be! It's expired and gone to meet its maker! This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace, if you hadn't nailed it to the perch it would be pushing up the daisies! It's rung down the curtain and joined the choir invisible! This is an ex-parrot!

When we got back from our anniversary trip...

See?... there is just so much to tell. Let me just cram this in. (It always makes it more polite when you warn someone that you are about to cram something in somewhere, is all I am sayin.)

Mister and I went to Austin and San Antonio for a long weekend from the 6th through the 9th of October. We had the BEST time. We had fantastic food, listened to great music, tried to listen to even greater music (we missed Joe at the Blind Pig, Trix. We tried, but his gig ended at 11 pm and… we suck… the end) and had wonderful spa treatments, stayed at amazing venues and generally just enjoyed ourselves immensely. If you need reviews for any of the following: In Austin – Hyatt Regency on Townlake or Nuno’s and in San Antonio – Watermark Hotel and Spa, Luciano’s, the buffet at the Sheraton Gunter, Biga on the Banks ect, let me know.

So, we actually got to have a little anniversary trip. It was great. I loved it. And the weekend after I was supposed to have this little girl’s trip. I think I told you guys about the weekend at my parent’s house over in this entry here, so that is covered. But the Monday after we got back (the 16th?) I got in my car that morning to go to work and it was all squelchy on my side of the floorboard, it totally (close your eyes Stacey) smelled like hot ass and feet, and … AND the check engine light came on when I started the hoopty.

The battery light has been on for about seven years so I wasn’t too worried. But, BUT, the squelchiness and the smell and the fact that hoopty had almost 109 thousand miles on her did worry me.

I called Mister, told him about it and decided to just go on into work. The next morning I took her hooptiness into the Lincoln Mercury dealer down by the office and dropped her off with Joe. He told me that it would be $99.95 to check on the water in the floor board and another $99.95 to check on the engine light issue. “Whatever Joe, just please fix her. She is old and needs loving care.” Joe looked at me like I was a bucket o’ the crazy and was all, “Ooookkkayyy lady, here’s my number I will call you by 3 pm.”

Fucking Joe.

He called at like noon and was all, “Well, the timing belt disintegrated when we took the cowling off, the celinoid variable cam timing [thingy] needs to be fixed and we haven’t even gotten to the leak yet. Just to fix the timing belt is $564.70 for parts and labor, for the timing belt and the celinoid to be fixed is $1171.52 for parts and labor.” “What about tax and the $99.95 per check thingy Joe?”, I asked. “Well, I would discount the tax and the…” “Joe?” “Yes ma’am?” “Can I just have my husband call you? I am finding this conversation very upsetting.” “Of course ma’am.”

So Mister called Joe, and they decided to do a little more research on both sides and talk again in the morning. All I wanted was my car back. She is old as hell and I didn’t realize but she was also something I was clinging to. I could not be biased about having her fixed. Was it worth it? Didn’t we just drop almost a thousand dollars on her (in her?) in March or something? Wouldn’t that happen again?

The deal was that she was one of my first steps away from my ex-husband. I actually had survival gear in the trunk. I needed to let go. The drama, Lord, the drama.

So Joe and Mister talked on Wednesday. It was not worth it to fix her. And someone (a mechanic) in the shop was interested in buying her to fix up. (Awwwwwww….. his name was Thurmon. Hi Thurmon, love you, take care of hoopty for me.) And so we went to look at replacement cars on Wednesday night. I called Ron (my dealer at Classic Chevrolet in Grapevine, “Hi Ron, love you, mean it.”) and told him I was looking for a replacement. He asked me several questions and we decided to look at the Impala and the Equinox. I sat in the Impala and immediately was all, “No, no… this just will not do.” I looked at several others and then I found her.

Thursday morning we went to the Lincoln/Mercury dealership. Cleaned the survival gear (?) out of the hoopty (ya’ll? I had a quart of oil, some windshield washer fluid, some spare parts for the hoopty, two umbrellas, a roll of industrial strength paper towels, a few books, some tie down straps, matches and who knows what else… gah) and sold her to Thurmon. Then we headed to the dealership to pick up Samantha, she is my new Equinox. She is charcoal grey and is very sassy. She has enough room in her that Mister can stretch out in either the front or the back seat. Since the 19th I have only had to fill up with gas one time. And… did I mention she is sassy?

I was very sad to lose the hoopty but very happy to gain a reliable car.

Click tee-tiny picture to make picture bigger appear… it is like magic**. Thank you.

Ode To Hoopty
This picture was taped to my monitor when I returned from the repair shop. It was made by my boss. MY BOSS. Please note that he drew me holding Elvira, and even named her. Also, please note that he is a smart ass.

**jazz hands.

I have so much more to tell ya’ll… and I just might sign on this weekend and ramble because I sent Mister to Orlando for the weekend. He left last night and the cat totally slept with me all night. (Don’t tell…) On Mister’s Pillow. Ha! But also, booo… will have to do laundry and also train the cat not to jump on the bed again. He totally knows when Mister is gone.

Up next, Snatch and the robe of degradation… partially donned by ME.


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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

The Graphic Below Courtesy of Papernapkin.

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