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Let’s play the question game.

Issue Date: Thursday, Apr. 21, 2005

Ok… so, yeah… I have just a few weeks left of freedom. And by freedom I mean months of not traveling and getting ready to travel every other week. So this posting every few days (and every day last week) is quickly coming to a close so I need to get while the getting is good.

Thing the first… drum roll please. No, really, I mean it. You, there… in the chair with your hand on the mouse… yeah, you. Drum roll please. Ahh… much better. Ok.. now that we have significant drum roll cover… Thing the first, Mister got a fucking job! Can I get an AMEN!? Yeah, you can stop the drum rolling to amen and hallelujah. It is allowed. Encouraged even. He started Monday and there will be no moving. There will be no taking massive pay cuts to go work for some start up in Botswana. There will be no lying muthafuckin scrubs who aren’t even solvent starting their own companies and hiring people when they have no business (literally … back story found here) doing so and then laying off everyone a month later. So, Yay Mister! Good luck and God speed my love!

Thing the second... I burned my neck with a curling iron this morning because I am twelve and can not work an appliance without causing bodily harm. If I’m working the toaster?… back away. What? Oh, you can work household appliances and farming machinery without harming yourself or the cat? Well why don’t you just build yourself a large ladder so you can get the hell over yourself then, huh?

Whoops… snippy much?

Sorry. It’s the neck wound. It makes me crabby. Well, that and I couldn’t make breakfast this morning… toast requires a toaster yanno.

Ummm…C… I went to go see my sister’s best friend’s baby yesterday afternoon in the hospital. He was born Tuesday at 1:19pm. I walked in and my uterus started sweating. Um. Physiological behavior much? By the by… he’s beautiful and perfect and smelled like cookies and sunshine.

D, I had a dream the other night that I was … what? You don’t wanna hear about another dream? Hey, listen. I’ll make it short ok? And I promise, it ties in with C. Sort of. So… there I was. Hey… come back. I’ll just give you the bullet points and you can tell me if you want the long version okay?

    Matthew McConaughey
    Pregnant-about to give birth @ noon.
    Following MM’s Jeep in a Ford Ranger
    Bed & Breakfast
    Cat poop on the porch.
    Lady in a small car driving onto the porch.


Let’s play the question game. I opened up the forum for questions at the end of this entry but I didn’t set a format. I don’t want to gank Coleen’s, Ask Me Anything Thursday… and I don’t want to rip off Amy’s Wednesday Advice Smackdown… I’ve just gotten some interesting and fun questions via email and comments (phone calls, carrier pigeons and smoke signals count too yanno) over the years, and it was fun to do the interviews with The Other Chad before diaryland ate his diary. So ask the questions in the comments sections (found below) and I will answer tomorrow.


Update 4/25/05

Ya’ll as soon as I posted the above journal entry, I received a frantic call from my sister (ETA: actually it was on Friday that I received the call.) that her father in law just had a heart attack and to come get my nephew. I picked up my nephew and my sister headed to Ft. Worth. Her father in law did not make it. (Funeral was 4/26.)

My brother in law had been sick with the flu all last week and he just closed his biggest deal of his business career on Thursday after they had a flood in their house on Wednesday night… and my sister is about to give birth any moment. [Sis is convinced the baby is a girl… so much drama is surrounding the baby's arrival.]

My parents came in town Friday afternoon and we (my nephew, my parents, Mister and I) have all been holed up at the house all weekend waiting to see what we could do for my sister, her husband and the rest of the family.

So, the questions game (whose only contestant was sweet Anne) was apparently not meant to be. But I will still answer her thoughtful questions.

So, without further ado…

Anne asks: You're very late for work, because you've just spent forever looking at stuff. What excuse do you give? (careful, I'll be using that). What advice would you give someone who's getting "ready" to stop smoking? And how did you react to the news of Matthew and Penelope?

And my answers:
There was a traffic jam on Preston Road at the G.B. Turnpike. Which is always plausible because everyone in Texas drives their own car (carpooling be damned), and the traffic in the morning is atrocious. I live less than 10 miles from the office and it takes me over 30 minutes to get here. Crazy. But for anyone who does not live in the greater Dallas area… and tell your boss that you either 1) had to get gas 2) air up the tires on your hoopty car or 3) (only if you are female) had cramps.

To stop smoking I used the ‘pare it down method’. When I was wee, around 16 year old or so, I had worked up to a pack and half a day habit. Mmmmm snazzy. Considering that I started when I was 13, it took me a while to work up to that (and I miss it so). It took me a while to work back down too. So here is what you do… After you get out of college, marry a redneck… and become poor. Like poverty level. Where beer and smokes (and food) are luxury items. You will cut down your habit to maybe five smokes a day. When you are the only one working in the household and your husband steals your smokes, fantasize about his demise. Really work on the details. Go out with friends who love you and will let you have a few of theirs. Feel guilty about bumming ciggies. Divorce him. Move to Dallas. Get a better job. Still smoke sparingly, unless you are drinking and dancing like a wild woman. Realize that your hair smells icky in the morning after a night in the bar. Start smoking only outside or in your car on road trips. When smokes go up to like $9,856,539,485,619 a pack, stop. See? Easy plan.
(Side note to Anne, if there is anyway you can forgo the whole redneck marriage thing… do so. Thanks.)

Third and final question… how did I react to the news about Matthew and Penelope? Well, that little filly is a serial dater. She dates all of her leading men. So I knew it was only a matter of time. And he? Is a swarthy, sweaty, hot-blooded American male (nekkid bongo playing and all that jive aside) who lives in (Austin) Texas… so of course he would jump at the chance to get all up in that little Latina’s business. Match made in publicity heaven, for Sahara fans. Oh, and on that note, the movie was fun. Mister loved it.

Maybe I’ll bust out The Question Game some other time. But until then. Ya’ll have a good Monday. And keep my family in your prayers ok?


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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

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