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Weekend With Friends in Nac Part I

Issue Date: Monday, Feb. 06, 2006

Victoria Principle in a two-story igloo, it is SO freaking cold in my office. I have on a sweater, a jacket and another jacket draped over my legs with my hands through the arm holes so I can type. The thermometer says 74 degrees, but I normally get down to being hot by 69 degrees so I am going to come out publicly and scorn the temperature gage by calling it a lying whore.

That reminds me.

Note to self: set DVR to record Christopher Titus’s “Norman Rockwell Is Bleeding” on Comedy Central.

Which also reminds me… why did they cancel that show Titus? Stacey Keach was brilliant and I loved the format.

WARNING - Segue-free zone ahead:

I have decided once and furry for all that I should not drink caffeinated beverages.

I could just tell you that they make me jittery and all talky-speaky and leave it at that, but where would the fun in that be? I submit that the fun would be nowhere.

So now, with your permission, I present to you Why I Shouldn’t Drink Four Dr. Peppers in a 24 Hour Time Span by Suzanna Danna. Also, this could be called, I Really Just Want to Tell Y’all About the Weekend but that doesn’t have as much zing in the title.

Question Number One: “Who woke up at 4:21 am last Thursday morning because she was so excited about the upcoming weekend?”
Answer: Um, yeah, that big bag of freak would be me.

So let’s just say that I, Suzanna Danna, being of sound mind (riiiiiiiight) and body was up with Dawn’s ass, and then the construction concrete people started in again at 6 am.


The plan for the weekend was simple. Mister and I both took off work on Friday so we could drive to my parents' house in (or just outside of) Tyler (which is 2/3rds the way to Nacogdoches) Thursday night, stay the night, go to lunch with them on Friday and then go on into Nacogdoches on Friday afternoon, meet friends and commence with the partying for the mini-reunion/D’Wayne’s 40th/Brenna’s 35th birthday.

Easy Peasy right?

Mister and I worked all Thursday and then zoomed home to pack (because who packs the day she leaves for a trip? ME! That’s who!). We played Barbie Mister the Fashion Plate and got all of his outfits (‘golfing Mister’, ‘going out to dinner Mister’ and ‘dancing at the club Mister – now 60% hotter with the new birthday shirt!’) in order and I threw 2 pairs of jeans, a few tops and almost every freakin shoe I own into a bag (I still left the ones I wanted to wear Saturday afternoon at the house… Gah!) and we left for my parents' house at… 8 o’clock.

Yes, yes… it did take us two hours to pack and feed the cat and rush around and look for a particular shirt and pack our electronics. Lord, the techies sung Hallelujah when I took a bag that was almost completely full of cords… cell phone chargers (car and outlet), iPod and accoutrement, lap top chargers you name it… We packed it. We had one full suitcase, the charger bag, another bag with our toiletries and my 5 brushes, blow dryer and curling iron, Mister’s laptop case and a large bag with eleventy four pairs of shoes and my pillow that weighs in at over twelve pounds. Oh, and don’t forget the hanging items and a heavy weight coat for each of us… just in case.

I was SO over myself by the time we left that I was thisclose to announcing (or asking) that we could leave for my parents' and then dive onto Nac on Friday. Because, come on already with the packing anxiety, the jewelry for every freaking occasion and the matching socks, the two twin sets and… GAH!

But we left and made good time and got to my parents' house at (how rude of us) 10:30 pm. And yes, of course I called and asked them if we could come on in or if we should wait until morning. “We’ll still be up baby, I’m not sure how long we’ll be up once y’all get here… but yes, go ahead and drive on in.”

So we did. And it was very nice to get to my parents' house, see my folks and then get all situated and bed down in a relaxing environment. I slept in my sister’s room and Mister slept in mine because, well, hi double bed that Mister sleeps diagonally across. I tossed a bit (OK already with the excitement, calm the fuck down) and kept turning the TV on because I couldn’t get to sleep… and then the birds started in (WHAT!? Is it spring? No! And it isn’t even sunrise, SHUT. UP. … I swear, they were in cahoots with the concrete construction guys) and then the thunderstorm started. Sweet. I was all, “Ok, I’m up, I’m up DAMMIT!”

My parents left for an appointment in town. We had plans to meet them at a great Mexican food restaurant at 12:15 or so. I showered and tried to get pretty to see my friends in Nacogdoches. Mister repacked the car. Or should I say re-stuffed? And we headed to meet my folks for lunch.

Did I mention it was raining?

Are you guys aware of the laws of physics I have to overcome to get my hair to be all pretty and smooth? Did I mention that as I was sprinting to the car with my purse, my jacket and one of the eleventy-four frillion bags that we packed, three Monster raindrops decided that they would love to meet their demise, in my scalp. Ew. Wet head. And consequently hair.

Rain meet hair… hair meet ::FWOMP!::… shit.

So, ok. Honkey afro to have lunch with the parents, run errands and to go to Nac with. Fine. Was it too much to want this weekend to be perfect? Yes? Oh, alright.

The chips and hot sauce (salsa) at the place we went for lunch are wonderful. And as I sat there stuffing my face full of the stuff a thought occurred to me.

“Self?” I said, “Since you have not been sleeping very well at all lately and the whole 4:21 am thing yesterday and those damn Nazi birds this morning… and you never know how late you will be staying up tonight… why don’t you break your little ‘no caffeine’ rule and have a Dr. Pepper? It may help keep you alert and awake late into the evening.” And myself answered, “OK.”

So there I was, at noon-thirty, ordering a Dr. Pepper to go with my lunch. And it was divine, Ambrosia of the gods I’d say. “Did you order another one?” you ask? Why yes, yes I did. So that was two LARGE Dr. Peppers within an hour and a half.

After lunch Mister and I left my parents and went to run a few errands in town.
1) Go to AutoZone or Pep Boys and replace shitty ass wiper blades on the car. CHECK!
2) Go to the golf store next door for balls (hee!), a better golf glove and some longer tees. CHECK!
3) Swing by Best Buy and use the gift certificate that my folks gave Mister for his birthday (it is Wednesday) to purchase a 1GB memory card for our new camera (Sony H1, thankyouverymuch) and a case for the camera. CHECK! And last but not least
4) Swing by Drug Emporium (love) and pick up a nail file and some fingernail polish remover… drool over all of the hair products and leave there weeping with longing (not really weeping, more of a whimpering). Checkity Check Check bitches!

And we were off!

We started down the highway and Mister noticed that I was particularly chatty.

Self: Soooooo, are you excited about this weekend? Boy howdy I am. I really enjoyed lunch with Momma and Daddy, I am so thrilled about this memory stick. Aren’t you excited about this weekend?
Mister: Yes, I am.
Self: Ok, so what we’re gonna do is go south on 69 until we hit 79 or 74 or something like that in Jacksonville and then we’re going to turn right past this house where this cops lives onto 204 and then take the 204 into Cushing and we’re going to pass through Reklaw and Lucas… and … Do you know what Reklaw stands for?
Mister: Um, no?
Self: It’s Walker backwards… and Sacul is Lucas backwards… really imaginative, those people… and then we’re going to turn right onto 259 that is really sort of-
Mister: Now, where are we going?
Self: We’re going to stay here on 69, and go south until we get to Jacksonville, and then over the bridge past the Brookshire’s on the Right and what I think used to be a Don King Chevrolet or something, definitely a Taco Bell around there somewhere, we are going to take a left and go to the-
Mister: Are we on 69 right now?
Self: Yes, Broadway is 69, we’re going to go south until we hit Jacksonville. Do you know who Leann Womack is?
Mister: Um. A country singer?
Self: Yes, she hails from Jacksonville. When we get to Jacksonville we are going to go left and then-

Ya’ll we had not even left the city limits and I was already on his last nerve.

I was asking him the same questions over and over and giving him directions like that old guy on the Clear Blue Easy pregnancy test commercial.

“Ya see, you are going to come to a fork in the road and, well it is two forks, four roads…”


More later y’all… I have typed almost four pages and I am not even to the Nacogdoches part of the weekend yet.

To be continued.


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