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Please keep personal phone calls a little more "brief".

Issue Date: Friday, Aug. 10, 2007

There are strange things afoot at the Circle-K, y’all. I keep getting cryptic messages from my boss saying stuff like, “Please reserve Oct 5th for an out-of-town meeting. I'll explain later.” And, “If you want to see your precious Post-it™ notes again, meet me in the alleyway at noon. And come aloooooone!” Okay, not so much with that last one. But I got tickled typing it so at least it was funny to me. Heh.

Oh, and also... Do y’all remember Coughy McChokesOnPhlegm? She got canned yesterday.


You know what? This is totally not interesting to anyone but me. Let’s move on.

Y’all know how I cherish old friends and people who knew you back when? For example: see any entry that begins with “this one time?”, any story that has to do with college, dancing, Stephanie/Stacey/LuLu, any old friends from high school and or church.

Basically my whole repertoire is old ass stories from way back when (when I was interesting) and various shit that I get myself into on a daily basis [see also: psycho waiters].

Well, a few weeks ago. No... let’s back this puppy up and go for a whole what goes around comes around theme, shall we?


Remember these guys? (Click to make biggie)

H20 Tic Tac Toe anyone?
From Left to Right: Scott, Ryan (the sweet one who wrote me poetry in the 8th grade), Carter, Eric, Me and my ‘brother’, Brian.

And these two stories right here? About said boys (in picture above) and how we were all friends? A year or two ago [totally checking archived sent messages to verify myself – okay it was like on 2/2/06] I got word from my boss (who knows Ryan’s dad – go figure) that Ryan and his wife had moved back to town to open up shop as they are doctors or something. So I sent a friendly email saying “Hi”, I told him I was glad he and his wife were back in town and to please reply back and let me know if they would be up for dinner one evening to catch up with Mister and I. Never heard a peep from him.

Y’all remember Hot Barney? Also known as Tim... the jock in this entry? Still haven’t heard a word from him since October of 2005. Heard from his last (known to me) girlfriend via email last week or so (?). But still nothing from Tim.

Do you guys ever go onto and search for people you knew in high school or college?

Do you ever Google people? Oh, come on. Admit it. You know that I am a big ol’ bucket of crazy and Google people like a mad bastard... and that I get those emails from that say, “Hey, you big loser! Twelve people looked at your profile, sign up with our Supercalafragalistic Gold Package to see who!” I always try to cheat it and ... well, I am just not that smart. But you know who is? John.

I have known John since middle school. John’s family (like mine) was from Georgia and moved to the Dallas suburbs. John was always there. John was handsome and tall... the sweet guy who all the girls adored but never admitted it. (Except Stephanie, she totally dug John’s vibe. Shhhh... don’t tell.*) He was the guy who your [read: my] mother would try to talk you into dating. “Oh, Hortense, [or whatever your name is... and again, I totally mean me.] why don’t you call that sweet and very handsome John up and see if he will come over Sunday after church for lunch? Or maybe you could drop a hint about that new movie. Didn’t he ask you to the Soccer Banquet? That must mean he really likes you.” While you [again... me.] knew darn well that yes, John was tall and handsome, the good guy, the sweet one with a quick smile and a great sense of humor, a total catch... that he was never really into you [again... ME!]... that way.

*He was totally into Stephanie for a while, and she him (hee... 8th grade Valentine’s Day dance). So this is all no surprise. But again, here I am airing other’s people business. (Sorry Steph! (PS: this will probably continue until the end of this entry) Love you! Call me!)

But no matter how many dances and banquets you [ME!] went to with John there was no way your [again, I totally mean mine] mother would ever understand that you couldn’t really date him because your best friend still held a candle ( the wind, never knowing... who to cling to... when the rain set innnnnnnn! Yeah, okay. Sorry about that. Need to lay off the caffine.) for him. Whether the candle was a massive burning pyre or a teeny little votive, Steph held one for John.

Confession: We totally made out one time. John and I, not Steph and I... pervs. It was awesome. Get this, driving into Amarillo, the sunrise bathing the ugly pattern on the bus seats in beautiful light while 35-plus other kids slept. We were a Baptist Youth Group heading for the mountains of Colorado to go skiing. John and I were the only ones awake and we started humming George Strait’s song “Amarillo By Morning” and then he kissed me. AWWWWWWWWW!**

**Don’t judge me. PPS... shut up.

John moved away shortly after we graduated and went back to Georgia. I saw him again, but only briefly with another friend (my 7th grade boyfriend Mike, whose family had moved back to GA when he was in the 10th (?) grade) when they drove up from Atlanta to see me at my Aunt’s house the summer before we went to college.

That long-ass run on sentence almost broke my brain.

So I found John on and sent him an email. Not knowing whether or not he was a Supercalafragalistic Gold member and if he would even receive said email. I was basically just throwing something against the wall to see if it would stick. I sent him a completely moronic email basically slobbering all over myself. “OMG! Is this the John from [suburb]? DUDE! Email me! Let’s catch up and talk about all the fun we haven’t had together in the past like 20 years!”

Surprisingly enough, the man emailed me back. He was eloquent and sweetly surprised that I tracked him down. He is married with two kids and the most amazingly beautiful wife ever. We have been emailing back and forth, showing pictures and catching up as much as you can via email.

When I got back from Montreal and turned on my cell phone there was a message from him. I called him the next day and we chatted for an hour. I got this email from my boss during our phone call (unedited for your enjoyment)...


I know you enjoy talking with your friends, but please keep personal phone calls a little more "brief".



How awesome is it that old friends can come out of the blue and it feels like you just talked to them yesterday? The Georgia boys came out of the woodwork this past week. Mike (said 7th grade boyfriend mentioned above) emailed me from as well. It was total coincidence because he and John don’t keep in touch. He’s been married for going on 12 years now... and has twins.

Also, remind me to tell you more awesome stuff about John and the time Mike lost a new pair of Reeboks when we snuck out one night.

PPPS: John may be reading this. I gave him the address. If so. Hi! Feel free to leave embarrassing comments below.


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To understand this dear reward (above) at all, you must hie thee on and read gatsby’s grape ape entry and my comments.

And because of said comments he sent me my very own dream turtle in an email titled wee gift with these words attached, “my purple monkey is booked solid so i ordered you a tangerine turtle. hope he proves helpful.”

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