Princess of Irony

Day 2 of 90

Issue Date: Tuesday, Apr. 29, 2003

It has begun.

I wanted to put an entry here to keep me honest and to add some personal responsibility to my actions. I�m warnin ya�ll� this could get ugly.

Mister and I started our diet this weekend.

We did the Fast Start to the Beach Body 90 program. The Fast Start consists of drinking juice and�. Oh wait, that was all. Juice. Juice for two days straight. It is supposed to flush out the toxins in your body. Seriously, this was the plan. Three 8 oz glasses of freshly squeezed juice for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Then two �snacks� (yes, that deserves quotation marks) of warm or room temperature water with lemon.

I, being the hypoglycemic tard that I am, started getting cranky around 4:30 pm on Saturday because I was getting a headache. I appeased my body by giving it a tablespoon of peanut butter and a half an ounce of cheese.

I am so surprised that my body didn�t just throw out my brain, a physical mutiny for the inflicted discomfort.

Sunday I decided that too much freshly squeezed apple juice was way too sweet for me. I was crashing after every �meal�. BWAHAHAHA! Meal� hee! That is rich. The sugar in the apple juice would make my blood sugar spike then I would crash. I changed over to tomato juice and was very happy. My poor body direly needed the added sodium and preservatives in the yummy Campbell�s tomato juice. I added another tablespoon (actually two on Sunday) of peanut butter and 4 cubes of cheese to my repartee and finished the weekend up with a bang. I got to have ice water! Woo hoo!

Mister and I put on our bathing suits and took the Before photos.

[pause]

Traumatic.

Let me insert one very important thing.

I weighed myself on Saturday morning. After I tinkled, without clothes on. There is No excuse for the horror that I witnessed. Ya�ll, I know there is a female rule out there that women are never supposed be forthcoming with their age, shoe size and weight. Something about keeping femininity and mystery partners, yeah� total bullshit. But a southern woman raised me, so� there ya go. I am going to be honest with you people, but I�ll have to feel guilty about it in honor of my mother. Deal? Deal.

If I added a few more numbers to the number I saw on that evil scale I would have had a zip code in a small North Dakota territory. Two hundred and thirty seven and a half pounds, 237.5. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I�m a big girl. 5�9� and my ass sticks out like an A/C window unit. But I�m cute dammit! Or I�ve just totally convinced myself that I am so I will be blind to the ENORMOUS ASS following me!

I would post the before pictures, but I don�t want to be sued for causing those sexy white streaks in peoples' hair that are the result of intense shock, fright or stress. I may, however, be persuaded to put a clothed pic of Mister and I up for a comparison shot for when we unleash our hotness on the world in 90 days. Sizzlin� hot.

Shut up. We discussed this laughing at the afflicted thing before.

Back to the painful entry.

Mister lost 4 pounds after two days of juicing and I lost a total of 2 and a half. Yay.

We started the work out part last night. It felt good to work my muscles again after so many sedentary years. People my ass lives in a 3rd floor apartment. Well, not just my ass, the rest of me too. But you get the picture. I have been hoofin it up and down those stairs for the better part of three years, not one sleek thigh to be seen for miles. This work out thing is gonna kick my bootie and I welcome it with open (thunderous) arms.

Yay. It�s 2:33, time for my 1/8 cup of sunflower kernels.

I�m really doing this ya�ll. I ain�t playin.

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	Day 2 of 90 Issue Date: Tuesday, Apr. 29, 2003 It has begun. I wanted to put an entry here to keep me honest and to add some personal responsibility to my actions. I�m warnin ya�ll� this could get ugly. Mister and I started our diet this weekend. We did the Fast Start to the Beach Body 90 program. The Fast Start consists of drinking juice and�. Oh wait, that was all. Juice. Juice for two days straight. It is supposed to flush out the toxins in your body. Seriously, this was the plan. Three 8 oz glasses of freshly squeezed juice for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Then two �snacks� (yes, that deserves quotation marks) of warm or room temperature water with lemon. I, being the hypoglycemic tard that I am, started getting cranky around 4:30 pm on Saturday because I was getting a headache. I appeased my body by giving it a tablespoon of peanut butter and a half an ounce of cheese. I am so surprised that my body didn�t just throw out my brain, a physical mutiny for the inflicted discomfort. Sunday I decided that too much freshly squeezed apple juice was way too sweet for me. I was crashing after every �meal�. BWAHAHAHA! Meal� hee! That is rich. The sugar in the apple juice would make my blood sugar spike then I would crash. I changed over to tomato juice and was very happy. My poor body direly needed the added sodium and preservatives in the yummy Campbell�s tomato juice. I added another tablespoon (actually two on Sunday) of peanut butter and 4 cubes of cheese to my repartee and finished the weekend up with a bang. I got to have ice water! Woo hoo! Mister and I put on our bathing suits and took the Before photos. [pause] Traumatic. Let me insert one very important thing. I weighed myself on Saturday morning. After I tinkled, without clothes on. There is No excuse for the horror that I witnessed. Ya�ll, I know there is a female rule out there that women are never supposed be forthcoming with their age, shoe size and weight. Something about keeping femininity and mystery partners, yeah� total bullshit. But a southern woman raised me, so� there ya go. I am going to be honest with you people, but I�ll have to feel guilty about it in honor of my mother. Deal? Deal. If I added a few more numbers to the number I saw on that evil scale I would have had a zip code in a small North Dakota territory. Two hundred and thirty seven and a half pounds, 237.5. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I�m a big girl. 5�9� and my ass sticks out like an A/C window unit. But I�m cute dammit! Or I�ve just totally convinced myself that I am so I will be blind to the ENORMOUS ASS following me! I would post the before pictures, but I don�t want to be sued for causing those sexy white streaks in peoples' hair that are the result of intense shock, fright or stress. I may, however, be persuaded to put a clothed pic of Mister and I up for a comparison shot for when we unleash our hotness on the world in 90 days. Sizzlin� hot. Shut up. We discussed this laughing at the afflicted thing before. Back to the painful entry. Mister lost 4 pounds after two days of juicing and I lost a total of 2 and a half. Yay. We started the work out part last night. It felt good to work my muscles again after so many sedentary years. People my ass lives in a 3rd floor apartment. Well, not just my ass, the rest of me too. But you get the picture. I have been hoofin it up and down those stairs for the better part of three years, not one sleek thigh to be seen for miles. This work out thing is gonna kick my bootie and I welcome it with open (thunderous) arms. Yay. It�s 2:33, time for my 1/8 cup of sunflower kernels. I�m really doing this ya�ll. I ain�t playin. \| Back Issues ::: Current Issue Please switch to the Suzannadanna.net site. - Friday, May. 23, 2008 - - Monday, Apr. 14, 2008 C'mon y'all - Friday, Feb. 22, 2008 C'Mon! - Wednesday, Feb. 13, 2008 - - Friday, Dec. 28, 2007 Follow this Link to the Cheese Club. Enter your photo in our Cheese Off Contest! 100 Things About Me Sign the Guestbook gmail me babies Notified users get the dirt before EVERYONE ELSE! Enter your email here: Powered by NotifyList.com This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 2.5 License.